How to Save Your Relationship

You have probably encountered this, or know someone who has. One partner spends long hours at work, and the other partner does not feel like he is supportive or available. The other partner spends most of her time looking after the children, sometimes with a job to balance also, and the first partner feels like his needs are not being addressed either.

Can this relationship be saved? Do so, it is well worth it?

Let us assume in this instance that both partners still want the relationship to work. That is not the reality always, and it is a terrible thing when one person wants to continue trying and the other has no interest.

It is frightening how many relationships are maintained just for the children, or for appearances, or for fear of being alone. We all deserve satisfying, complete, and gratifying relationships, and I do not subscribe to the charade theory which keeps many relationships together. After all, if you have decided to stay in a marginal relationship for reasons like the children, some time spent working on the relationship might mean you will end up having the best of both worlds – and a surprisingly great relationship.

The first step is to get both partners to make a solemn commitment to work on the relationship. Making a commitment and then following through is the worst thing to do. The basis for improvement does exist if there is a commitment to trying.

Next, both of you must deeply explore the relationship, and identify the problem or problems that exist. And there must be mutual agreement on these. How can anybody be motivated to work on a problem they don’t acknowledge.

One of the most difficult things to do is to identify the real problems. Many fall into the trap of identifying symptoms - and not the real issues. For example, where one partner has been unfaithful, you might consider that to be the problem. But if you dig a little deeper, you might find that there is an underlying lack of intimacy in the relationship. It is possible that the infidelity is a symptom of a root issue and that a lack of intimacy is what is most important to address.

When the problems have been identified, they must be discussed and agreed upon if possible. This needs to be done in a constructive way. You will want to point out things that will be hurtful for your partner to hear. Same goes for your partner, they will be telling you things which you find hurtful. Do not hold back here - everything must be on the table. Issues get surfaced and discussed sooner when both partners are open. Mind control games, and keeping score, is not the strategy to employ now. It is a time for resolution and cooperation and understanding.

Only when there is agreement on the issues can an action plan be developed to deal with them. This is an on-going process, and there should be frequent progress checks. The tasks should be evenly divided, as seeing that the other person is working hard on the relationship is as important as working hard yourself.

There are no guarantees in life, but by following this approach, there is a good chance your relationship will improve.

The author operates My-Relationship-Fix.com where you can get more Get Ex Back advice.