Posts Tagged ‘argument’

Handling Conflict to Avoid Violence

In your relationship, there will be times when one of you will most likely to loose control and will have misunderstandings.

These conflicts are things of our daily life..
Without the process of resolving in a peaceful manner, some situations can lead to violence.

Here are some suggestions to handle conflict in order to avoid violence:

• Focus the problem and not on the person. The issue can usually be settled in a very civilized and mutually beneficial manner.
• By saying “You are wrong” to your partner, you are putting him in a defensive position.”  If you don’t share his views, just say ‘I don’t agree’, or ‘We can see it from this other perspective’.
• Don’t interrupt the other person when explaining his side. Try to listen carefully when emotions are high. This will help avoid unnecessary additional conflict that could worsen the situation.
• Repeat and confirm what you hear from him. Do it in the most considerate and respectful way. Show that you listen, and that you try to understand what the other perceives.
• Don’t raise your voice. Try to speak in a calm manner to your partner.
• Finally, do not make your partner look and feel bad. Discuss this in private so to save from embarrassment in front of his colleagues

Resolving a conflict is a matter of establishing levels of connection and effective channels of communication. It wll always be pleasurable to have agreed upon something. And it will also give you a greater capacity to resolve other conflicts in the future.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

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How To Accept And Forget Past Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be subtle and it has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant criticism and accusation. One of the damages that emotional abuse can cause is that it would be really hard for you to accept your condition.This article will help you overcome the pain and forget your past.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. This is not easy because you will be carrying this burden throughout your life.
Some events of emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this one too. If only there is something that you can chew that would make it vanish forever! But it does not work that way. It is all about reframing your memories and re-shaping your mindset.
Here are some helpful steps to help you forget past emotional abuse:

• Acceptance is the key! You must accept the face that you have been abused. You will get nowhere if your mind is set into believing that abusive behavior is normal.
• Stop feeling guilty and blaming everything to yourself!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. Find a good counselor if you think counseling is necessary. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

What you can do is use the information in your past to help you with your future. Patience and trust is something that you must have inorder to heal the wounds of emotional abuse. Everything in the past will recast in a different light If you allow things to happen.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

What makes you a good enemy?

Arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict helps you relationship grow. Even the strongest relationships can go through some tough times. This article is about knowing if you are a fair fighter in your relationship.
You become an enemy in the eyes of your significant Other if there is a fight between the two fo you. What kind of enemy do you think you are?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
If you are too proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. A good enemy listens and makes an effort to solve the conflict. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

There is desperation, loneliness and need for contact behind the idea of arguing, it is a good sign if you are able to detect these hidden contents.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
- You always feel how important it is for your partner to feel good about themselves each day. - Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers - Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship - You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. You accept your shortcomings and find ways to become a better partner
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. If you are able to deal with your problems, it shows that you have a skill in fair fighting.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and positive atmosphere. Your goal must be clear, that fighting is not to make you a bad enemy, but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Don’t Let Passive Aggression Ruin Your Life

Are you feeling unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you can share intimate moments? Do you feel that your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There could be contributing factors in your relationship with your partner that puts you in an unhappy state. Your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but it is also possible that he has some unresolved issues that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger.  If you do not realize the factors at some point, you will find yourself in a more chaotic situation with your partner.
In this article, you will realize if you are dealing with passive aggressive partner. This will help you understand your relationship with your partner. If you are able to understand his past, you can regain your integrity and self-respect.
Here are some signs of a person who has a PA behavior:
- Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants - Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end - Strikes his anger indirectly - Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue - Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get very emotional close. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
Emotional and contradictory messages can confuse you eventhough you try to be patient and understanding. They blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel rejected. You do not know how to process and react. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Some situation does not improve because your parner tries to confuse and brainwash you. Sometimes there are behavioral patterns that you can adapt from your partner like being violent.
Do you want to regain the power to be happy in a good relationship?

If you siad YES, you should bear in mind that his reactions has nothing to do with YOU! He would react to whoever tries to enter into his private world. Intimacy and emotional compromise with any woman is what a passive aggressive person fears and not you. When conflict appears, you should know where you stand so you can decide what to do with your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘
before I take it off line!

Controlling Anger and Saving Your Loving Relationship

How do you express your anger?

• Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
• You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
• Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows that you have not learned how to constructively express  anger. Beacuse of this lack of means,  isn’t likely to have many successful long term relationships, simply beacuse there is no way to vent this anger, it only accumulates.
Expressing anger in a controlled way is extremely difficult. The tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But is walking out of the situation a healthy way? It could be a temporary solution but it is still important that you express you anger in a proper way.
Why is it important to express anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why. Or displaying hostile and cynical behavior. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some ways on how to control your anger :

• By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
• You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
• You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. It can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation when it gets out of control.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. Try to forgive the person who wronged you.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

How to Stop Uncontrolled Anger from Destroying a Loving Relationship

Is it any wonder that your strong emotion of anger may hurt, destroy, and poison a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must put in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true nature. Anger is a negative emotion and it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must apply practical methods in your daily life to control your anger.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an earlier time.

Here are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

• Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Threatening others
• Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
• Feeling rejected
• Withdrawal from friends
• Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what causes your rage and when you do, develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you are responsible for making the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

• Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
• It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
• Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
• Use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
• Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. The best mentality is to focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

How Can Anger Destroy Your Relationship?

Happiness, as we all know, come from the relationship around you.
We all want to build a loving and lasting relationship but it is not that easy. Somewhere along the road, things will get in the way and you find yourself unable to maintain  your relationship.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a powerful emotion. It is one thing that is going to do some damage whether you choose to express it or hold it.
What if you have ever loved someone who has never learned to adjust in his surroundings? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
When one becomes really angry it creates a need to try to control everything. Anger can damage a relationship. If anger arises, events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely.

But ask yourself:
Does this help our relationship healthy?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• Anger can quickly destroy a relationship that has been good for a long time.
• Your self-esteem and confidence can be affected by anger.
• - Anger does affect trust and love.
• - Anger is not a peaceful emotion, it is full of uncertainty and fear, you’ll never know what happens next - Anger makes you say and do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.

If there is too much anger in your present situation or if you are in a relationship with someone who is easily angered, then perhaps you should start thinking if you still have an intimate life with your partner.Because being in a critical situation will make you unhappy and cause more ill feelings towards your partner and eventually would destroy your intimacy.
Trust and honesty can be destroyed by anger so easily and it wears off intimacy in your relationship. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance are the causes of anger and it can destroy a loving relationship.

Anger results to negative feelings.

Intimacy vanishes in a relationship if there is constant blaming and criticizing.

Accept and understand eachother to protect a truly valuable emotional bond that you have invested. Do not allow yourselves to erupt without talking what should be done to make things clear. Instead, find ways to discuss it in a civilized manner with a clear mind and open heart.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

The Top Reason Why You Argue In A Relationship

Do you feel that everyday conflicts are becoming increasingly hard to deal with?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s discuss how to manage interpersonal conflicts to avoid the “winner” “looser” idea in a situation…

There are some reasons to explain why you think that  “winning” over an argument will allow you to move on with the problem.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

But In order to play this type of conflict you need an “other;” someone or something to act as our opponent or obstacle, the bad one..

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• Unresolved confrontations can lead to more tension in the relationship.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

If you follow this model to the end, sooner or later you will destroy your relationship.

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

The Meaning of Fighting In Your Relationship

Do you currently feel that there is a problem in the midst of your relationship?

That you no longer speak to one another?

Do you feel that everything in your relationship does not make sense anymore?

Or there is a lack of peace and harmony in your present relationship?

While peace and harmony in your relationship keeps you motivated and productive, conflict results in endless fights, loneliness, resentment, and mistrust. Conflict makes you suffer emotionally, mentally and physically.

You can react on these situations in different ways:

• You may decide to escape; to do anything to avoid another conflict situation: giving in to other demands without being satisfied to yourself, only to keep the peace; settling for second-best place where you don’t ever have to be bothered with anything related to confrontation, challenge, or friction.
• Fighting fire against fire results to verbal and physical violence.
• Or you can avoid future conversations on problematic issues by denying the conflict
• Or you can avoid future conversions on problematic issues by denying the conflict. It is possible that you can give up and go along with others, forgetting your own interests and finally compromising your soul.
• You can decide to get your own way no matter what, and do “passive aggressive resistance” without ever getting to discuss your behaviour and its impact on the other. Or you can go the way of skilful negotiations, and learn how to talk about difficult issues with the person you love, and explore different sides of dispute and get an agreement.

But I want you to be aware that it is always best to interpret conflict from a different angle:

What if this situation is not an attack to you but a way for this person, to relate to you, a way of calling out for your support, connection and recognition?

A lot of people always assumed that they would be unhappy in their marriage, that nobody can provide them all the respect; space and love they need, because those ideas were too different or exotic to them. They may have read those ideas in my book, but they found them radically different from their own. An argument is not about whois right or wrong.

Finally they can feel that they can control in a positive way what happens with their relationships

Remember you deserve a happy life with harmonious relationship with your significant other.

But how can you do it?

The answer is simple…

If each argument is an opportunity to get you two closer, if conflicts can be used to build up the relationship, then there is no need to fear any confrontation… just the opposite!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site and get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Healing the Hurt Caused by Emotional Abuse

If you have ever been the type of person who had a hard time letting go of past hurt, you most likely be thinking of all the things you might have had done instead. You will be so much focused on anything that involves blaming yourself for whatever the result of your failed relationship.

You may have suffer emotional abuse at one time or another. However, it is not the place you want to stay.
Do you want to always be reminded of every pain and sorrow you had? I hope you don’t. But if you do, maybe you have been badly hurt or just afraid to get hurt again. It will take you nowhere if you keep the pain. You should be thankful if you have been bruised so bad because it makes you a stronger person. You have to trust yourself believing you can overcome this pain.
Trust and faith are needed in moving on. You must have faith in everything. It is not too late for everything. Actually, it's never too late to change and become a better you. Because you deserve a caring relationship.
So why keep the past pain that bruised, wounded, beaten, and burned you so badly? Take time to heal after all the hurt and pain. But keep in mind, it takes time and work to bring about healing. Always forgive yourself if you have wronged. Doing so, it will help you move on.

You will come to appreciate people who treats you a lot better, cultivating healthier relationships if you allow yourself to move on. You will come to realize there are many people who cares and will do what they can to help and support in picking up yourself again. You learn to trust yourself when making careful decisions and choices. New memories will help ease the pain from the past. You may look back, but you can never go back. You can only move forward.

Remember to make yourself happy at all times. Evaluate yourself and try to see if things are working for your own good. Understanding yourself with compassion is also a key to a happier you. Do something special like taking a trip with your loved ones and as well as people you find supportive.
Getting away from a painful situation, will help you gain a new perspective. Learn to enjoy and appreciate the things you have now. You see, you may not have the things you want, but sometimes the things that you did not expect is what you really needed after all. Truth is, getting hurt can be good for you. If you’re still in pain, you won’t agree yet. But when you look back after all the sorrow is gone, you will deeply appreciate the experience and the things you learned from it.

The lessons you get from the past pain makes you able to grow and seek out new relationships - healthier and positive. Your experience will help you make wise choices in life. You avoid the people who were responsible for creating those unwanted feelings. However, you should also take responsibility of owning your own relationship. You suffer unreasonably because of an abusive partner. Only when you stop seeing yourself as a victim will you start to see yourself in a better way.
You start realizing despite what had happened, it is still reasonable for you to want a fulfilling relationship. You have the chance of getting what you want if only you put yourself on the line. Remember, you lose yourself if you do not venture. Do not be afraid of taking the challenge of letting go.
{You deserve a happy ending}. Getting over the pain and lmoving on willmake you realize your self-worth. One of the best ways of taking care of your well-being is allowing to spend more time with yourself. You become a better and stronger person. You should make a way to look after yourself from now on.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict
FREE Report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘