Surviving Infidelity: What Are the Solutions to An Extramarital Affair?
What is the trigger for an extramarital affair?
An affair may be sexual in nature or it could merely be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite or same gender. The beginnings of such “affairs” can very often be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is missing for one reason or another. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.
One or more of the reasons itemised below, are generally referred to as the motivation/excuse for starting an extramarital affair:
1. My wife / husband has become tiresome.
2. I was taken advantage of at a time of weakness.
3. My partner has let themselves go, consequently I now don’t find them sexually attractive.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me especially after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. No intimacy at home because of repeated business trips away.
7. My partner suffers from a distressing health condition and is not able to meet my needs for intimacy.
Some of the above may not be able to be resolved. However If both parties to the marriage have decided that they are bent on surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their marriage then consideration needs to be given to several factors, for example:
- If the innocent spouse has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to find out whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transmission of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
- The matter of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have put me and our family through?
- Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be lured into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful in the future?
- Some serious thought needs to be given to involving a third party to provide marriage counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite trying for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this subject on their own.
If you are the blameless party and are really interested in forgiving your spouse, and putting your marriage back on track, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:
- Your partner voluntarily divulged the affair to you.
- They are open when grilled about it.
- They have told you that they are remorseful for having strayed.
- They have agreed to sever all contact with the other party.
- They have agreed to undergo counseling.
An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the conclusion of a marriage if you both truly have the desire and the inclination to fix your relationship then marriage reconciliation is wholly possible.
