Posts Tagged ‘Emotional abuse’

How Can A Wife Become The Victim Of Her Husband’s Passive Aggression?

passive aggressive behavior

How Many Ways Can Your Passive Aggressive Husband Show His Need For You?

A most frustrating aspect in living with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. He has difficulty finishing big projects he gets engaged in, and later he doesn’t let others help tackling them. He is constantly ignoring what he needs to do, and frustrates his wife.

Does He Ever See Her Frustration?

Not any longer. He needs to ignore the evidence she presents, while distorts and lies to make his version of reality seem logical. Now, the question is…why is he doing all this theatre? What for is he dedicated to confuse the wife? to frustrate her needs and expectations??

We all have human needs; basically here we look at both people’s needs for love and connection…At the least, you need to engage in some kind of relationship with others. There is his duality, searching for love and connection while being hostile to his relationships.

As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship is, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned being a child, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. Why is he picking a woman willing to receive his angry words…

He then needs to frustrate her a little bit every day, building up in her a pattern of frustration so high that she gets to express the anger that he has been repressing all his life.

She Needs To Feel Needed!

She grew up in a home where she was relegated and not appreciated…always in a little corner. When she wanted to be seen, someone stole the focus off her. She has been dreaming of finding someone who would change under the love shower she can send him.

Sending two contradictory messages of attraction and rejection is the mark of this relationship. When she receives little bones of appreciation, she tends to confirm again that he is a prisoner of his shield but able and willing to come out and play with her She keeps dreaming that with enough love and patience he will change and be loving to her

Even when he sets up experiences to get her to reject or deprive him, (so then he can blame her for his dissatisfaction), she prefers to play along. She needs to be happy with herself first, and then she will not fear to be alone. Her choice is to keep waiting on him. He is incapable of sharing intimacy with her.

Accepting this fact can take her from feeling lonely and depressed in this marriage, to angry at him. The more he feels threatened and insecure and withdraws, the more she gets angry. He doesn’t know how to answer to her anger, so he goes silent and withdraws and all gets worse. It’s a seesaw of search for connection and withdrawal.

Why Is This Seesaw Between Anger And Depression Functional To Her?

How much does she need to be with someone who will frustrate her??

Is she inviting people to entice and reject her, as it happened to her in her past?

Is permanent frustration of her emotional needs her childhood script, needing someone like her husband to frustrate her here and now?

In repetitive scenes from this script, you can see her self-esteem reduced to zero as her frustration and anger turn to rage when she feels again unable to attract a direct commitment from a loving man. She can break the linkage between her past story and her present abusive relationships. Perhaps raising her self-esteem would stop this cycle and make her less needy and more worthy of respect and appreciation by any partner.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written postings about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness. Her innovative and compassionate conflict solutions are offered as ebooks, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, from her blog:  http://www.creativeconflicts.com

Passive Aggressive Husband: Tips For Better Communication

It is difficult to learn what is going on in this relationship, fast; it’s more of a slow process.. Pay attention to your hurt feelings, because they are the sole indicator that something is amiss and that you can’t take your security for granted in your marriage..

She never could tell which of the two responses: love or hatred would be on her way, due to his passive aggressive behavior..

The sequence of impacts went from mental torture, to a little love to broken promises to heart pain in an unbroken string of facts.. She never was sure of his affection and began doubting herself.

Was she the cause of this treatment? There was the possibility of him behaving better due to her giving more love, only in her imagination.?

There is no need to blame yourself. Having unsolved needs makes her dependent on him promising some relief to her..

It is impossible to push a passive aggressive husband to change if he can get away with his own communication style and ignore her needs..

Which is the best way to deal with a passive aggressive personality??

A passive aggressive personality has been in the making for years, and is part of the center of the self.. It is NOT a response to her behavior; it’s his “normal response” to everything that happens in his world, his marriage included…

Without entering into the psychological elements of what makes this person behave in such a defensive way, what is important to see is that this is a way of being, structurally organized, and nobody can change it from the outside.

Only the person who has learned to react in this way can realize the damage it causes to any relationship and make a plan to modify his own responses.

There is no way a wife can avoid telling him how much he hurts her with his behavior.. By denouncing as hurtful some of his responses, she is helping him recognize how inappropriate his answers are…and then hope that her words will motivate him to do otherwise.

There is more support here?

Here is more help: Passive Aggressive Husband

Emotional Abuse - An Introduction

Many relationships today will flow smoothly to some point and then all of a sudden without a warning they go haywire. For most instances of these cases the reason occupies in the court of one partner. Other is almost innocent.

Emotional abusing is the worst kind of abusing provided the backward force it could put on one person by the other. In majority of relationships it is the male who becomes dominant over emotional aspects and finds it easier to commit emotional abuse towards his partner. But there are instances where the female will get in to the dirty work as well.

This kind of an emotional abuse is serious not only the day to day activities of the receiver but also the professional life. Your partner could attempt emotional abuse by humiliating you; putting you down in front of a crowd and making you feel under estimated about yourself. Things like making the partner feel disgraced unattractive and incompetent are also involved in an emotional abuse.

Not only an adult, but children could also be gone through some emotional abuses. Most of these are practiced by the elders without their knowledge. Little things they say to kids when they are small could affect the entire future of a child. They can be frightened to the entire life with a small incident happened in their childhood. This kind of child emotional abuses however can be avoided by commonsense. But there are more intentional emotional abuses seen by the adults to attend an illegal activity or business using children.

Child emotional abuses could be detected from the behaviors of a kid. Weird behaviors such as bites, speech disorders and aggressive way of thinking are some of observable indicators. Parents can also take the blame on their child’s improper behaviors after being affected by emotional abuses. Blaming the child, harassing the child and also putting down the child are some of the common aspects for a child to get emotionally upset.

You can learn further about emotional abuse to avoid getting caught with any or unknowingly practicing any towards other people. With much attention putting towards the mental harassment one could put on another person, it has become easier to access the legal actions to be taken and to learn about them.  Emotional aspects are the ones most often been under looked and neglected, leading to a large community of people suffering from many mental disorders, hence it is time to put a stop to emotional abuse.

Emotional Abuse

Relationships can go horribly wrong in today’s world even after a smooth start. Mostly these problems will be initiated by one partner. Other is almost innocent.

signs of emotional abuse

Emotional abusing is the worst kind of abusing provided the backward force it could put on one person by the other. Most of these emotional abuse cases are lead by the male.  But there are instances where the female will get in to the dirty work as well.

This kind of an emotional abuse is serious not only the day to day activities of the receiver but also the professional life. Your partner could attempt emotional abuse by humiliating you; putting you down in front of a crowd and making you feel under estimated about yourself. Making someone feel unattractive or incompetent is another strategy of emotional abuse.

emotional abuse help

Not only an adult, but children could also be gone through some emotional abuses. But most of the child emotional abuse acts are done unintentionally. Sometimes the smallest thing the parents do or say to their child can affect the whole future of that child. They can be frightened to the entire life with a small incident happened in their childhood. Commonsense however can reduce the risk of this kind of child emotional abuse. More intentional abusive behaviors are also visible with the cruel society towards children.

Behaviors of a kid can sometimes tell whether he or she has gone through an abuse. Weird behaviors such as bites, speech disorders and aggressive way of thinking are some of observable indicators. Parents can also take the blame on their child’s improper behaviors after being affected by emotional abuses. Blaming the child, harassing the child and also putting down the child are some of the common aspects for a child to get emotionally upset.

emotional abuse

You can make sure not to practice any sort of an emotional abuse with or without intention if you gain some knowledge about it. With more and more attention being put towards the legal aspects of any kind of abuse, the life is much easier for a victim.  Larger community of people today do suffer from mental disorders due to the very fact of under looking the emotional aspects of one’s.

Emotional Abuse: How Its Affects You

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship  for a long time, you may loose your ‘inner compass’ and can become convinced that you are worthless, and that is all your fault, and  you feel like you have nowhere else to go.

Try to honestly answer this questions to yourself:

• Is your ultimate fear to be left alone, without no one to love you?
• Do you sacrifice your own wishes, just to please your partner?
• Do  you become more submissive after  your partner  abuses?
• Do you felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid arguments?

If you are in a relationship wherein emotional abuse happens everyday, the effects are dangerous than any form of abuse because it can be frequent. The effects of emotional abuse can be subtle, it makes you feel that you are the problem in the relationship even if you are not. It makes you doubt your self-worth and affects your self-esteem also.

Here are the negative effects of long-term emotional abuse:

• Low self-esteem
• Emotional Stress
• Health Problems
• Depression
• Isolation
• Alcohol or drug use

You may seem introverted, quiet, or may appear confident and extrovert, which is an act to fool the outside world so that you can hide the humiliation you are experiencing. You are resistant to seek help from others and decided to deal with it on your own. But ongoing contact can drag you back in the abusive situation again and again.

You must try to do something if your partner is unwilling to seek help or knowledge.
The recovery process is long and painful. In the end, you may decide to hurt yourself, it may influence your mentality. It may result to suicide when dealing with a long-term emotional abuse. You would feel unlovable and unworthy.

If only you would seek proper counseling, this chain of suffering could be stopped once and for all.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
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