Relationship Advice For A Long and Happy Partnership
Negotiating as a Couple]
Trust is only one of the things you will need to solve~is important but it is only half the battle when it comes to fixing~is only half of the solution to~can only ever be half of the solution to} getting help with your relationship advice. Equally significant is the ability to negotiate. Research into relationship counseling has shown that this technique achieves the best results. It will obviously be an advantage if you are a good communicator during the negotiation, and the skills involved in good communication and effective negotiation are compatible. Remember to be clear, stick to the point, avoid ending a negotiation on a low point, be flexible, do not assume and never blame. Here are a few more elements to keep in mind whilst negotiating with your partner.
Change negative complaints into positive requests
The most important rule of effective negotiation should be to stay focused on the future of your relationship instead of the past. All complaints are by definition part of the past, and the first thing to do is to change that by converting them into requests for the future. Here is an example, if a woman were to say to her husband ‘I hate that you have been returning home late after work’, this could be reworded as ‘I’d prefer it if you could return home earlier from work.’ I hope that it will be clear to you that the second, positive, future form of words is much more likely to produce a positive response from her partner than the first. All relationship issues can be altered in this way, turning the negative into the positive, rather than arguing or saying ‘You are always complaining.’
Making your needs clear
The next step in improving upon your negotiating skills is learning to make your requests more specific. As an example, if you say to your partner ‘I want you to be more positive to me’, it would be difficult for them to understand exactly what you mean. This would not make it clear where, when or how you would like to be treated differently. You should be clearer and more specific in your request. As an example, if you say ‘I would prefer you to back me up when we are out at dinner with Michael’, this statement is much clearer and more specific, making it easier for you partner to understand your needs.
What you ask of your partner could be a lot more conventional than this. You may simply want your partner to help out more around the house. Again this could be considered to be too general, and it would be better if you were to say ‘I would really like you to help me to clean the carpets.’ The more specific a request, the greater the chances are of it being understood and acted upon. This also makes it easier to be sure whether or not it’s been carried out by your partner when the time come to assess how the new plan is progressing.
Look towards the future
If you are certaining about wanting to know how to save a relationship, you need to look to the future. These examples of turning complaints into requests show how important it can be to make your requests more specific. These requests are worded in a way that is ‘future oriented’. This is a good way to negotiate. One alternative would be to make the comment ‘I wish you could have been more supportive when we were having dinner with Fred last week.’ This is quite specific, however, it is in the form of a complaint, not a request. There is nothing that your partner can do to correct the mistake, as it is already in the past. All that he/she can do is apologize and promise to try to do better the next time.
Also the example regarding helping out with the housework is not constructive if you phrase it like this ‘You never help out with the housework.’ Worded in this way the comment is just like a complaint. If you change it round a little to say it as a call for some support it would probably be taken in a more constructive way. Asking for your better half to address their behavior in the future is much more likely to taken a great deal more earnestly.
