Posts Tagged ‘getting love back’

Restoring Love From A Broken Relationship

We often have difficult times with our ex’s and breaking up with them makes it a lot more difficult. On a bigger perspective, the act of breaking up with someone is the easiest part. Getting back together with your lover is the really challenging part. Having to apologize for all the mean and hurtful things that you said can make you feel your heart is being crushed. It is just part of the healing process that has to take place if you want to know how to get back with your ex the right way. This is the part where both individuals are test to their breaking points. If you really love the other person it is just going to be that much harder to ease the pain.

There are three easy steps to getting back together with your lover. The first thing you need to do is say that you are sorry. This is definitely important for demonstrating to the other person that you are truly sincere. Cause them to understand that you are in pain just as severely as they are.

The second point that needs to be handled is settling the problems that caused the breakup. Until those issues are addressed neither person will feel comfortable returning into the relationship. Each person has to communicate what caused the problem and how it made them feel. Often when this is done each individual comes to the conclusion that the argument went way out of hand and that it was a big mistake.

Last but not least is the forgiveness of each others wrong doings. If a person still refuses to let go of a grudge, then the old scars will never heal. When a person forgives another person it helps the person forgiving even more. No relationship can be healthy and prosperous if both parties are carrying around old baggage. Getting back together with your lover is not going to be easy or over quickly. If you love each other the pain that you both endure will be worth the pleasure of true love.

Making Up With Ex After Infidelity

Cheating is, of course, one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up.  When cheating has occurred, the other person believes “I can’t ever trust him or her again.”

That is a common refrain when cheating occurs.  Trust is essential to close, intimate, real love.  When it is broken, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back.  Even if we loved much about our mate, if they cheated on us, we don’t see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such a sense of betrayal.  You can learn more about Get Ex Back In Just Hours after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

I can’t ever trust you again.

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over.  We all believe that trust takes a long time to build.  So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for resolving relationship conflict here.

Instead of weak excuses, you can say something like “I know I broke your trust in me, and I’m so sorry that I did this and made you feel so hurt…”

This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust.  Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong.  It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness.  Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry.  But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.

There is a lot more to the art of getting your ex back after infidelity, but this is a good start!  Go here for a free course on How To Have Marital Help.