Posts Tagged ‘intimacy’

Dating for Love After 40

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Coach, writes… …

Finding Love After 40 doesn’t have to involve sifting through countless personal ads, or going to singles bars. For many women finding love after 40 is not as uncommon as you may think. From my practical experience in relationship coaching, I work with a wide age spread of women from their 30’s to their 70’s and they learn what they need to do to change their beliefs about what’s possible in love and partnership for them.

Finding your the perfect mate is not a numbers game. Finding true love is not about how many men you have to date before you can find Mr. Right. It’s also not about being settling down and settling for less.

In my world, you CAN have it all. You are worthy of love. That’s what is available to you in relationship coaching classes. The belief that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince is an outworn myth. Limiting beliefs and what’s not possible for you in relationships are all part of outmoded opinions taught to us by our culture. Fortunately, leading edge science and quantum physics are teaching us that our thoughts create our reality. As a relationship coach, my passion in life is to help you find out how.

Before you can create your a lasting loving relationship, you need to know what the blind spots have been in your belief system. Your experiences will always follow your expectations. If that’s so - and it is - then you want to know what’s in the way of you getting your expectations met. Said in another way, you want to get clear of what has been in the way (limiting beliefs) of you having the love you desire and deserve.

Let’s look at a couple potent societal influences that inhibit us from attracting love.

1. The Influence of Others

We are all heavily influenced by our family, friends, co-workers and the media. If you’re constantly looking outside to see what’s possible for your in relationships, you’ll be comparing yourself to someone else’s standards. That rarely works for long term relationship happiness.

2. Habits of Thought or Beliefs

Your beliefs, like the air your breathe are rarely questioned. At one time it was TRUE that the earth was flat. Your thoughts, beliefs and expectations about what is possible for you in relationship will only keep the status quo in place. If you’d like to shift that, talk to a relationship expert and learn to break through your own limitations.

It’s no more difficult to find love after 40 than it is to find love in your 20’s. I manifested to love of my dreams in my late forty’s after two divorces and several relationship failures. When I got clear of what my limiting beliefs were, the love of my life entered in a very short time. I know you can create the love of your dreams, I did it and you can too.

Power Up the Intimacy with these 5 Tips

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Specialist, writes… …

If you’re wondering where the affection and passion have gone from your intimate relationship, and you’d like it back, I’ve got some very good news for you. Job stress, lengthy commutes, balancing the kids’ schedules, financial pressures, and household duties never seem to end.

You’ve gotten in the habit of putting them all before your relationship needs. How did all that happen? Gradually and over a period of time, no doubt. Are you ready for some love advice that will make the difference? Well if you think that you’ll have to wait all the external problems are solved for you to return to the loving intimacy you once enjoyed, think again.

You can have what you want and you don’t even necessarily have to have your mate on board 100%. By being who you want to be, I’ll show you how you can influence your partner, draw the best out of him or her and enhance your love relationship today.

1. Appreciate

Sounds simple. If you will look for as many ways as possible to compliment what your partner does, you’ll find him or her coming around for more affection and positive attention and start offering it back. Appreciation is one of the highest emotional states. It’s right up there with love. Even if you find yourself wanting to find fault, instead start finding reasons to praise. If he doesn’t do the chores you want, start making lists in your head (or better on paper) of what you would love him to do - as if he’s already in the habit of doing it. You’ll see fast shifts if you do this practice as little and 7 days.

2. Acknowledge

Acknowledgment is a powerful tool. When you acknowledge someone, you are in a deep listening mode. I’m suggesting that you listen deeply free from judgment. Free yourself of the voice in your head that has the answer, a better suggestion or solution to whatever he or she is talking about. Be fully present. And acknowledge that you heard what he or she said. Your partner will feel very validated and valued. A great gift of deep intimacy.

3. Affection

Remember the little things. A loving smile, little love notes on the bathroom mirror. Dry erase markers work well on mirrors and come off very easily. Let her know how much you love sharing life with her. Stroke his arm the way you used to just because. A kiss on the cheek, just because.

4. Seeing Eye-to-Eye

This is a great tip for getting right to the heart. Spend 2-3 minutes looking into each other’s eyes without speaking. Just be with each other deeply, fully present. You will experience such love for your partner. This kind of love and appreciation goes beyond words. Your hearts meet. You remember all the special things about them. You experience the depth of what your love has grown into.

5. Allow

Allow your judgments to cease. Allowing is letting it be. Letting things be just as they are. There’s a lot of release from just letting go or allowing. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “Let Go and Let God.” This is the perfect stance to be in. There is an underlying perfection to your relationship exactly as it is right now. When you allow, you have access to all of that perfection.

Use some or all of these tips. They’re all powerful. They all have the potential to ignite deeper intimacy and love between you and your partner. You may have to put your ego aside. Play with these tips and may you enjoy many years of love and laughter in partnership.

5 Tips to Spark Up Your Love Life

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Specialist, writes… …

If you’re wondering where the affection and passion have gone from your intimate relationship, and you’d like it back, I’ve got some very good news for you. Job stress, lengthy commutes, balancing the kids’ schedules, financial pressures, and household duties never seem to end.

You’ve gotten in the habit of putting them all before your relationship needs. How did all that happen? Gradually and over a period of time, no doubt. Are you ready for some love advice that will make the difference? Well if you think that you’ll have to wait until the kids are all grown up and out of the house for you to return to the loving intimacy you once enjoyed, think again.

You can have what you want and you don’t even necessarily have to enroll your partner in the process. By being who you want to be, I’ll show you how you can influence your partner, draw the best out of him or her and enhance your love relationship today.

1. Appreciate

This is simple yet powerful. If you will find as many opportunities as you possibly can to appreciate what your partner does, you’ll find him or her responding very quickly for more positive attention and start offering it back. Appreciation is a high state of heart awareness. It’s right up there with love. Even if you find yourself wanting to find fault, instead start finding reasons to praise. If he doesn’t do the chores you want, start making lists in your head (or better on paper) of what you would love him to do - as if he’s already in the habit of doing it. You’ll see fast shifts if you do this practice as little and 7 days.

2. Acknowledge

Acknowledgment is a powerful tool. When you acknowledge someone, you are in a deep listening mode. I’m suggesting that you listen deeply free from that internal monologue going on in your head. Free yourself of the voice in your head that has the answer, a better suggestion or solution to whatever he or she is talking about. Be fully present. And acknowledge that you heard what he or she said. Your partner will feel very validated and valued. A great gift of deep intimacy.

3. Affection

Give a kiss just because. A loving smile, little love notes on the bathroom mirror. Dry erase markers work well on mirrors and come off very easily. Let her know how much you love sharing life with her. Stroke his arm the way you used to just because. Remember the little things.

4. Seeing Eye-to-Eye

This is a great tip for getting right to the heart. Spend 2-3 minutes looking into each other’s eyes without speaking. Just be with each other deeply, fully present. You will experience such love for your partner. This kind of love and appreciation goes beyond words. Your souls touch. You remember why you fell in love. You experience the depth of what your love has grown into.

5. Allow

Allow your judgments to cease. Allowing is letting it be. Letting things be just as they are. There’s a lot of release from just letting go or allowing. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “Let Go and Let God.” This is the perfect stance to be in. There is an underlying perfection to your relationship exactly as it is right now. When you allow, you have access to all of that perfection.

Use some or all of these tips. They’re all powerful. They all have the potential to ignite deeper intimacy and love between you and your partner. At times, it will involve putting your ego aside. Play with these tips and may you enjoy many years of love and laughter in partnership.

Relationship Help On Men And Intimacy

love relationships

It is obvious that the way men and women approach relationship is different.  Nothing unusual there.  But it is useful relationship intelligence to understand a bit more about how men and women are lined up towards intimacy. You can get info on Relationship Help here.

Men don’t generally practice intimacy in the same way as women.  They don’t get much practice growing up at nurturing, empathizing, and being other focused.  It was not in their enculteration as children.

Yes, men know how to communicate in relationship, but the way in which we communicate is often different than females, it is usually oriented towards problem-solving (a form of winning), and establishing dominance (or avoiding it from others).

So men, speaking in large generalities here, know a lot about winning and losing, boundaries and control.  They may not know much about empathy and the value of nurturing others and focusing on the needs of others.

Growing up, boys play different games than girls.  Playing cowboys and Indians and playing army, boys learn about territory and dominance.  Nothing wrong with boys playing such games, it is actually good for them developmentally, but they don’t learn much about loving and empathizing and nurturing.  You can get more How To Get Relationship Advice here.

Girls of course played different games than boys.  Girls spend years playing with dolls.  Imagine that!  Girls spend years playing at nurturing and loving their dolls.  So when it comes to relationship skills, which sex brings the most talent to the table?

Is it men, who learned early to say “I shot you, you are dead!”  Or is it women, who learned early how to nurture and empathize and socialize? 

Here then is the point.  Men, recognize that you may need some help learning to nurture and empathize and connect with others, including your mate.  Women, don’t go around assuming your should know what to do when it comes to nurturing and loving.  You may have to gently guide them in the right direction.  Intimacy factors can be learned!  You can learn more about Get Love Back In Just Hours  here.

Get Ex Back With Emotional Intelligence

You’ve broken up with your ex.  A little time has passed and now you want to get your ex back.  What relationship advice can help? Learning some more about these topics can help: study intimacy more deeply can help in lots of ways.

When breaking up, what happens for everyone is that our feelings of closeness and connection with our partner get replaced by emotions like anger or betrayal.  This is why we fight and break up.  It’s just what happens to couples the world over.

But after a short while you started to have feelings of regret and you began to miss those feelings of softness and closeness you had with your mate.  What is happening is that your hurt and bad feelings are changing.  This is an important thing to note about emotions.  Angry, hurt feelings aren’t set in stone.  Feelings change.

You understand this from your own life experiences.  You’ve been mad at somebody at work and after a day or two the anger diminishes.  You’ve been sad about something that happened to you and again, after just a day or two, it goes away.  This is important Emotional Logic to notice.  Feelings shift and are in flux for all of us.

Now that you’ve broken up and you want your ex back, you have experienced this first hand.  During the break up, you were mad or hurt.  Now, you notice feelings of longing and desire return.  You’d like to give your relationship another chance.  This may seem like Im stating the obvious, but there is a very important point here to notice about emotions.  They change.

However, some feelings can take a while to change.  They can get stuck.  If your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you, then they are still stuck with feelings of hurt or betrayal.  For example, if you cheated on your ex, this brings up strong feelings in them that are hard to deal with.  Your ex is likely still filled with powerful emoitons like sadness and shame or rage.

So how can you use something like Emotional Logic to help get back with your ex?  Simple.  You can help them to vent, to get those bad feelings “off their chest.”  Help them to get them out.  So, when you talk to them, ask how they are feeling about what you did or the break up.  Then try to be quiet and give them time to form up their emotions into words and “vent” them.  Listening is an important step in or to Getting your ex back.

Don’t argue.  Don’t defend yourself.  That just creates more argument.  Instead, make them feel heard and understood.  Ten minutes of venting can really help their negative feelings get released.   Letting your ex vent all over you a time or two after a break up can help them to let go of anger and move back towards more kindly feelings towards you.

There is more to this process, but supporting your ex in “spilling” and releasing their negative feelings can be a vital part in getting them to take you back into their life.  Feelings change, and you want to help their negative feelings change as fast as you can!

You can get a free course here about the specific steps to get your ex back

Making Up With Ex After Infidelity

Cheating is, of course, one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up.  When cheating has occurred, the other person believes “I can’t ever trust him or her again.”

That is a common refrain when cheating occurs.  Trust is essential to close, intimate, real love.  When it is broken, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back.  Even if we loved much about our mate, if they cheated on us, we don’t see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such a sense of betrayal.  You can learn more about Get Ex Back In Just Hours after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

I can’t ever trust you again.

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over.  We all believe that trust takes a long time to build.  So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for resolving relationship conflict here.

Instead of weak excuses, you can say something like “I know I broke your trust in me, and I’m so sorry that I did this and made you feel so hurt…”

This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust.  Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong.  It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness.  Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry.  But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.

There is a lot more to the art of getting your ex back after infidelity, but this is a good start!  Go here for a free course on How To Have Marital Help.

3 Ways To Improve Your Relationship Today

Doing just a few things you can enhance your love life.  These three secrets can enhance the quality of your love life starting today.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School.

Top Secret Number One:  Play!  Studies have shown that the more play you have with your partner, the less fighting there will be.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a few hours a week can begin to uplift your entire relationship.

So do you have a date night at least once a week where you both go spend time playing together like you did in the beginning?Do something great for your relationship by having some play time with your partner!

Top Secret Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Look, conflict is gonna happen in any long term relationship.  Studies have shown that how couples deal with conflict determines the length and quality of the relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a partnership.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One easy way is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Secret Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your lover can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Recognize this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you want something or need something from your mate, ask for it.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, ask for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.You can also support your mate in making requests for what they need as well.  That’s being a good partner.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.