Posts Tagged ‘marriage therapy’

Can marriage therapy work

One of the problems that is hardest to deal with is when someone experiences marriage problems. It can cause problems in many areas.  Your children, your health, and your job.  It has such a strong emotional reactions it isn’t a surprise.

Usually it doesn’t happen overnight.  Problems in a marriage usually grow and develop.  It is in this early stage you want to stop it.  From my experience doing marriage counseling in San Diego I know it first hand.  The couples who have the hardest time fixing their relationship are the ones who waited till it got really bad. 

So my hope is that you will be able to see how valuable it will be to take care of it early.Don’t take too long in dealing with it because then the anger and resentment can get too big.Stop it as soon as possible.

So I would like to offer some things to look for that would suggest a need for a couples counseling in San Diego.

There are quite a few reasons why relationships begin to fight.It could be money problems.  It could be not communicating.Whatever the situation could be you need to be able to recognize it right when it starts. 

For example if it is due to finances if the couple is starting to fight over it that’s not good.Yes finances are important in life, but arguing doesn’t help matters.And if you see yourselves getting into fights over it, you have to get help.  As a family counselor in San Diego I have seen couples wait too long.

Sometimes for some reason the couple could just not be communicating.  There are many reasons for this.But if a problem like this occurs you need to find a way to solve it. Not having the ability to communicate causes a lot of problems.It can be the reason that small issues become larger issues.But if you become aware that you guys probably aren’t communicating well, it might be time. 

Not knowing how to effectively communicate can cause small problems become larger.But when you have a counselor a couple might be able to learn how to communicate.They could learn some techniques that will teach them how to listen better.

Doing a couple of these steps can help avoid a marriage disaster.Doing a little bit of preventitive measures can help in a lot of ways.

Fix the fighting now

One of the best things we get to experience in our lives is relationships.From the wonderful experiences of family relationships to love relationships it is great.  But sometimes a great relationship can turn sour.What used to be something of great happiness can now become so painful and sorrowful.

I have seen this first hand helping people in couples counseling San Diego. What used to be a great loving relationship turns into a constant battle.  What was once looking like a bright future now is so bleak.  What happened and what can be done to change it?

That is a big question and hard question to answer.Every struggling relationship will have different sets of circumstance.  But my experience as a marriage counselor San Diego has shown me there are methods you can use to bring out good solutions.

One of the things that is helpful to them is by giving them a safe place to talk.Most of the times when you try and address the problems at your house it just won’t work.  By giving them a place where they can feel safe allows the opportunity to work things out.

Another benefit for the couple is that extra person will be another ear to hear them out.But not just any ear but one that doesn’t take sides.An ear that is able to hear the issues and talk about them impartially.  Doing that can work wonders.That third person can mean the difference because they can approach the issue without being heated.When a couple attempts to do it while they are in the midst of fighting it won’t work at that time.

Another thing to learn that can help the couple greatly is teaching them the benefits of listening to each other.  In my practice doing marriage counseling San Diego, I help them develop these skills.  These skills help them hear each other out rather than always trying to win the point.

By implementing this, they are more able to tackle the issues that face them. Doing these few things in a rocky relationship can work wonders.  I have seen it first hand as a marriage counselor.

Things to look for in marriage therapy

Life, so many good times, but also some hard times.  Kind of ironic that a source of great joy can also be a source of great pain.

Where else can you find and have experiences that are joyous as love and friendship.  Or joys of family and friends.  So many joys you can even count them all.Where else except in life.

But also in this life you will have plenty of painful moments.  Pains such as death, sicknesses, or wars to name a few.One of the hard and trying times will be a relationship going through difficulties.What was meant to be a relationship full of joyful experiences into a painful one.

But there is hope.  Often times marriages can be saved through counseling.  In my experience a marriage counselor in San Diego I would like to help you in finding a good marriage counselor.

One of the hardest things for a couple or for anyone is to get help from  somebody.Most definitely something as private as a relationship in trouble.  So here are a few things to look for to find good marriage counseling San Diego.

First, most counselors could have different styles and personalities.When interviewing a counselor inquire about their style of counseling.You want to be positive that your personality fits.

Second, counselors could have specialized training in different fields.Of course when a married couple has issues they wil be different or varied from what another couple may experience.So you probably will want a counselor who has gone through situations like yours with other couples.

Finally, you want to see if your therapist in San Diego specializes in marriage counseling.  There are going to be therapists that help in a lot of areas.But you may just want to find someone who has a practice focused on marriage problems.They just might be experienced enough to help save your marriage.

For an issue as important as trying to help a troubled marriage you want to find the best counselor out there.Lastly the decision will be yours to make.You will probably want to hunt for a good counselor.  But your desire to work through it will be the determining factor.

What you should look for in a marriage therapist

Life, a lot of great times, but there will be some tough times as well.Kind of ironic that your source of many joys and happiness can also be what causes great pains.

Where else do you have such great experiences like friendship and love.Or the happiness of having friends and family.So much joys we experience you can’t keep track of them all.  Where else but in life.

But there will be also in life a lot of sorrows.Pains like death, diseases, or the wars that happen to mention a few.  One of those painful experiences is a troubled marriage.What was meant to be a relationship full of joyful experiences into a painful one.

But there is hope.  Often times marriages can be saved through counseling.  In my experience a marriage counselor in San Diego I would like to help you in finding a good marriage counselor.

One of the toughest things to do for a couple is asking for help from somebody outside of the relationship.  Especially something as intimate as a troubled relationship.  So here are a few things to look for to find good marriage counseling San Diego.

First, some counselors will have differing personalities and styles.  When talking to a counselor ask about his counseling style.  You want to make sure it fits with your personality.

Second counselors will have special training for different areas.Obviously when you have a couple going through some problems they will be different than what another couple may have.  So you will want to find a counselor who has experience in your situation.

Finally, you want to see if your therapist in San Diego specializes in marriage counseling.  There are going to be therapists that help in a lot of areas.But you may just want to find someone who has a practice focused on marriage problems.They could have just the right experience to help you in your marriage.

For an issue as important as trying to help a troubled marriage you want to find the best counselor out there.  Ultimately the choice will be yours.  You will want to find a good counselor.But your desired outcome will be determined on how much you are willing to work on it.

Tips on Marriage Therapy

Marriage has the description of being the sacred union.  As it should be.After all, when the couple say “I do” they are both agreeing that they will spend the rest of their lives together till death do them part.Even when times get bad, during sickness and poorer.

You will notice the health and richer part I left out.Because usually, those are the times that are easy.

But regardless of the situation, if you find your marriage in trouble, keeping a marriage happy and healthy can become a struggle.  It is during this time a family therapist San Diego might be the best option.

Because if the problems start to happen too often, it will probably be headed to a divorce.Problems like having fights, no trust, loss of intimacy, hating each other, etc.

When these things do start happening, the most important thing the couple should do is seek a marriage counselor.  why?Because even though it doesn’t feel like it is to the couple, most therapists have seen everything.And from that experience is what they use to help those marriages in trouble.

So why does it help to have marriage therapy or couples therapy?  Well I would like to share some insights from my experience as a San Diego marriage therapist.

Several factors beginning with safety.A good therapist provides the couple that is in trouble a safe environment then what they are used to.An environment that is different from where all the fights happen.

This stops the angry or hysterical outburst that happens when they are in a familiar environment.

Second, as mentioned before, they have experience.  This allows the therapist to share whether or not what the couple is going through is normal.

Third, they will help them with communications.Often that is usually one of the big reasons for a troubled marriage.When troubles start to happen, the husband and wife will become defensive and communications at that point becomes difficult.The therapist will be helpful in opening those lines.

Fouth, the couples will be helped to better use problem solving skills.  Obviously, there are problems.And the more prepared the husband and wife is, the easier it will be to solve their differences.

Finally, they help the couples understand the situation.  They do this through helping them in listening, sharing feelings that may be difficult to express, and then interpret it all.

As you can tell, when their is trouble in the marriage, often the best way to fix it is through therapy.If you are in a situation like this, go seek professional help.  Take it from my experience doing marriage counseling San Diego.

How Can Marriage Counseling Help

After a couple says “I do” in a perfect word, they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, a perfect world we do not live in. And a lot of times, after the wedding day, that is when trouble happens.

Whatever the cause, a couple can go from a blissful relationship, to a relationship that is cold and bitter.

In this article, I am going to draw on my experience as a family counselor San Diego to help a couple decide, when is it time for a couple to seek marriage counseling.

Arguments, disagreements, and fights do happen.In most marriages it is very likely to happen.  But there comes a time when a couple needs to decide if it is normal everyday life.Or if what is going on is not normal and time to seek help.

Because left unchecked, problems in marriages can lead to ugly divorces.

So for couples seeking to keep their marriage, here are some key signs to look for and decide if marriage counseling San Diego is needed.

The first sign is do you guys bicker?  Do little things cause you guys to argue? Although seemingly insignificant, this could be the start of something that turns bigger.

Second, do you find you don’t have anything nice to say about each other? This is a sign that you guys are holding contempt towards each other and this is not good.

A third thing is do you find that your level of respect for each other is not there?In all relationships, there must be a level of respect.

Fourth sign, do you see that intimacy is lost between the two of you?This isn’t just talking about sex, although sex is a part of it.Is it more than that where the feeling of closeness isn’t there anymore?

Fifth, do you find you are happier when you and your spouse are apart?This sign is not good and the beginning of a break up.

Sixth thing to look at have you lost trust of one another? One of the biggest things in a relationship i trust.  When you are going to live and share your most intimate moments there has to be trust.

Finally, has there been unfaithfulness between one of you?  This seems simple and obvious.  But sometimes when this happens, couples could just try to ignore it rather than deal with it.

Of course there are plenty of other signs.  But these are some big ones when deciding if it is time to seek a marriage counselor in San Diego. 

If these are some of the things you are experiencing, and to find a way to save your marriage is your goal.You have to look for professional advice so you can find a way to work out these issues.

A lot of times, a third viewpoint is very helpful for the situation, and this is why a family counselor can help.

Learn when it is time for Marriage Counseling

In a perfect world, after a couple says “I do” they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, a perfect world we do not live in. And usually, when the wedding day is done, trouble starts to happen.

Whatever the cause, a couple can go from a blissful relationship, to a relationship that is cold and bitter.

In this article, I am going to draw on my experience as a family counselor San Diego to help a couple decide, when is it time for a couple to seek marriage counseling.

Disagreements, arguments, and fights happen.It is going to happen in a lot of marriages.But there is a time when the couple needs to look at whether or not this is normal or part of everyday life.Or if what is going on is not normal and time to seek help.

Because if you leave a problem within the marriage unchecked, this could be the beginning of a horrible divorce.

So for couples seeking to keep their marriage, here are some key signs to look for and decide if marriage counseling San Diego is needed.

The first sign is bickering, do you guys bicker a lot?  Do little things cause you guys to argue? Although seemingly insignificant, this could be the start of something that turns bigger.

Second, does it seem hard to say anything nice about each other? This shows you that you two are holding contempt for each other and that is not beneficial.

A third thing is do you find that your level of respect for each other is not there?In all relationships, there must be a level of respect.

Fourth sign, do you see that intimacy is lost between the two of you?This isn’t just talking about sex, although sex is a part of it.Does is seem like the two of you aren’t as close as you once were?

Fifth, are you happier when your spouse is not around?  This is  not a good sign and is the beginning of the separation.

Sixth, is there a loss of trust between one another? One of the most important things for a married couple is trust.  When you are going to live and share your most intimate moments there has to be trust.

Finally, has there been some infidelity with one of you?  This seems simple and obvious.Unfortunately, some of the times when this happens, some couples ignore it rather than try to face it.

Of course there are a bunch of other signs to look for.  But these are some big ones when deciding if it is time to seek a marriage counselor in San Diego. 

If you see yourself in these circumstances, and to save your marriage is what you desire.You have to look for professional advice so you can find a way to work out these issues.

Often times, a third viewpoint can help immensely and that is where a family counselor can help.

When to Turn to Marriage Counseling

Marriage is often called the sacred union.As it should be.  After all, when a happy couple say “I do” they are agreeing to be with each other till death do them part.  Even through bad times, like sickness and poorer.

You will notice the health and richer part I left out.Because those times are usually the easiest often times.

But regardless of the situation, if you find your marriage in trouble, keeping a marriage happy and healthy can become a struggle.  It is during this time a family therapist San Diego might be the best option.

Because if the issues start to become a pattern, this will more often than not lead to divorce.Problems such as constant arguing, loss of trust, no intimacy, despising one another, etc.

When you have these things happening, the best thing a married couple can do is find a marriage therapist.  why?Because to the couple it may not feel like it is, most marriage therapists will have seen it all.And from that experience is what they use to help those marriages in trouble.

So why does marriage therapy or couples therapy work?  Well I would like to share some insights from my experience as a San Diego marriage therapist.

Several factors starting with safety.A good therapist provides the couple that is in trouble a safe environment then what they are used to.An environment that they are not used to where they have their fights.

This prevents the usual angry or hysterical outbursts that occur in a familiar environment.

Second, as we talked about earlier, they have seen it before.  This allows the therapist to share whether or not what the couple is going through is normal.

Third, they help in communications.  Often times that is one of the contributing factors in troubled marriages.When the troubles begin, each individual can start to become defensive which makes communication difficult.The therapist can help in making sure those lines are open.

Fouth, the couples will be helped to better use problem solving skills.Obviously, there are issues.And the better equipped the married couple is, the more able they will be to solve their problems.

Finally, they can help the couple to understand the situation.They accomplish this by helping them listen better, share their feelings better, and then help them interpret it all.

As you can tell, when their is trouble in the marriage, often the best way to fix it is through therapy.  If you find yourself in this type of situation, go seek help.  Take it from my experience doing marriage counseling San Diego.

When to Seek Marriage Counseling

After a couple says “I do” in a perfect word, they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. And a lot of times, after the wedding day, that is when trouble happens.

Whatever the cause, the couple’s happy and blissful relationship all of a sudden turns cold and bitter.

In this article, I am going to draw on my experience as a family counselor San Diego to help a couple decide, when is it time for a couple to seek marriage counseling.

Disagreements, arguments, and fights happen.In most marriages it is very likely to happen.But there is a time when the couple needs to look at whether or not this is normal or part of everyday life.Or if what is going on is not normal and time to seek help.

Because a problem in a marriage, left unchecked, could one day lead to a horrible divorce.

So for couples seeking to keep their marriage, here are some key signs to look for and decide if marriage counseling San Diego is needed.

The first sign is do you guys bicker?  Do little things cause you guys to argue? Allthough seemingly no big deal, this could be the beginning of trouble starting.

Second, does it seem hard to say anything nice about each other? This shows you that you two are holding contempt for each other and that is not beneficial.

A third thing is do you find that your level of respect for each other is not there?In every relationship, the couple must respect each other.

Fourth sign, do you see that intimacy is lost between the two of you?This isn’t just talking about sex, although sex is a part of it.  But do you just feel you guys aren’t close to each other anymore?

Fifth, are you happier when your spouse is not around?This is not good and a sign of the start of seperation.

Sixth, is there a loss of trust between one another? One of the most important things for a married couple is trust.When you are living and sharing your intimate moments you have to have trust.

Finally, has there been unfaithfulness between one of you?  This seems simple and obvious.  But sometimes when this happens, couples could just try to ignore it rather than deal with it.

Of course there are plenty of other signs.  But these are some big ones when deciding if it is time to seek a marriage counselor in San Diego. 

If these are some of the things you are experiencing, and to find a way to save your marriage is your goal.You have get some professional advice that will help you find ways to help solve these problems.

Often times, a third viewpoint can help immensely and that is where a family counselor can help.

Counseling And Same Sex Marriages

same sex marriages

“Gay men and lesbians are known for rushing into commitments,” says San Francisco marriage therapy professional Michael Halyard. “Getting married for political reasons is not a recipe for longevity. It’s important to know yourself, know your partner and be realistic about how serious marriage is.” Halyard recommends premarital counseling for gay and lesbian couples thinking about same sex marriages, as “an insurance policy” to help them stay together. “The idea behind premarital counseling is to strengthen the marriage prior to the wedding – so the relationship can withstand the challenges that inevitably come up.”

In some ways, a same sex marriage will suffer the same trials and tribulations as their heterosexual counterpart, as both will argue about finances, power struggles, household chores, child rearing, autonomy and intimacy. Also, a 2008 study by the American Psychological Association found that same sex couples are just as happy and committed in their romantic relationships as heterosexual couples.

However, researchers have also noted that civil marriages of gay and lesbian couples showcase different conflict styles. Same sex marriages researcher and author Esther Rosenblum found that “Same-sex couples tend to use effective arguing. They give each other a fair hearing, and their conflicts are brief and quickly forgotten. Heterosexual couples argue ineffectively. Their conflicts are more frustrating and don’t get solved for days.” She adds that gay and lesbian couples come from the same cultural backgrounds, which makes it easier for them to resolve conflicts. “When women argue, they tend to focus on the relationship, and when men argue, they tend to focus on logic and problem solving,” she explains.

Therapy for same sex marriages can help a couple stay together, says Michael Halyard, who runs a gay-lesbian-bisexual couples retreat center and clinic in San Francisco, California. He says that pre marriage therapy helps gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender couples withstand challenges, improve communication, deepen intimacy and improve patterns of relating. “If couples designate just a fraction of their wedding budget on premarital counseling, it could go a long way to ensure them living happily ever after, and is money well-spent,” says Halyard. More information can be found at www.sftherapy.com.