Posts Tagged ‘passive aggressive’

How Can A Wife Become The Victim Of Her Husband’s Passive Aggression?

passive aggressive behavior

How Many Ways Can Your Passive Aggressive Husband Show His Need For You?

A most frustrating aspect in living with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn’t follow through on his agreements and promises. He has difficulty finishing big projects he gets engaged in, and later he doesn’t let others help tackling them. He is constantly ignoring what he needs to do, and frustrates his wife.

Does He Ever See Her Frustration?

Not any longer. He needs to ignore the evidence she presents, while distorts and lies to make his version of reality seem logical. Now, the question is…why is he doing all this theatre? What for is he dedicated to confuse the wife? to frustrate her needs and expectations??

We all have human needs; basically here we look at both people’s needs for love and connection…At the least, you need to engage in some kind of relationship with others. There is his duality, searching for love and connection while being hostile to his relationships.

As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship is, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned being a child, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. Why is he picking a woman willing to receive his angry words…

He then needs to frustrate her a little bit every day, building up in her a pattern of frustration so high that she gets to express the anger that he has been repressing all his life.

She Needs To Feel Needed!

She grew up in a home where she was relegated and not appreciated…always in a little corner. When she wanted to be seen, someone stole the focus off her. She has been dreaming of finding someone who would change under the love shower she can send him.

Sending two contradictory messages of attraction and rejection is the mark of this relationship. When she receives little bones of appreciation, she tends to confirm again that he is a prisoner of his shield but able and willing to come out and play with her She keeps dreaming that with enough love and patience he will change and be loving to her

Even when he sets up experiences to get her to reject or deprive him, (so then he can blame her for his dissatisfaction), she prefers to play along. She needs to be happy with herself first, and then she will not fear to be alone. Her choice is to keep waiting on him. He is incapable of sharing intimacy with her.

Accepting this fact can take her from feeling lonely and depressed in this marriage, to angry at him. The more he feels threatened and insecure and withdraws, the more she gets angry. He doesn’t know how to answer to her anger, so he goes silent and withdraws and all gets worse. It’s a seesaw of search for connection and withdrawal.

Why Is This Seesaw Between Anger And Depression Functional To Her?

How much does she need to be with someone who will frustrate her??

Is she inviting people to entice and reject her, as it happened to her in her past?

Is permanent frustration of her emotional needs her childhood script, needing someone like her husband to frustrate her here and now?

In repetitive scenes from this script, you can see her self-esteem reduced to zero as her frustration and anger turn to rage when she feels again unable to attract a direct commitment from a loving man. She can break the linkage between her past story and her present abusive relationships. Perhaps raising her self-esteem would stop this cycle and make her less needy and more worthy of respect and appreciation by any partner.

Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written postings about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness. Her innovative and compassionate conflict solutions are offered as ebooks, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, from her blog:  http://www.creativeconflicts.com

Passive Aggressive Husband: Tips For Better Communication

It is difficult to learn what is going on in this relationship, fast; it’s more of a slow process.. Pay attention to your hurt feelings, because they are the sole indicator that something is amiss and that you can’t take your security for granted in your marriage..

She never could tell which of the two responses: love or hatred would be on her way, due to his passive aggressive behavior..

The sequence of impacts went from mental torture, to a little love to broken promises to heart pain in an unbroken string of facts.. She never was sure of his affection and began doubting herself.

Was she the cause of this treatment? There was the possibility of him behaving better due to her giving more love, only in her imagination.?

There is no need to blame yourself. Having unsolved needs makes her dependent on him promising some relief to her..

It is impossible to push a passive aggressive husband to change if he can get away with his own communication style and ignore her needs..

Which is the best way to deal with a passive aggressive personality??

A passive aggressive personality has been in the making for years, and is part of the center of the self.. It is NOT a response to her behavior; it’s his “normal response” to everything that happens in his world, his marriage included…

Without entering into the psychological elements of what makes this person behave in such a defensive way, what is important to see is that this is a way of being, structurally organized, and nobody can change it from the outside.

Only the person who has learned to react in this way can realize the damage it causes to any relationship and make a plan to modify his own responses.

There is no way a wife can avoid telling him how much he hurts her with his behavior.. By denouncing as hurtful some of his responses, she is helping him recognize how inappropriate his answers are…and then hope that her words will motivate him to do otherwise.

There is more support here?

Here is more help: Passive Aggressive Husband

How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Partner

Are you in a situation where you are trying to find an explanation why you are living a miserable life and not the life you dreamed of?

If the answer for this is pointing towards your partner’s behavior, then you need to have a clear view of what you want from your relationship.

In this article, you would begin to think of ways you can defend yourself from passive aggression. To defend yourself from being guilty or angry, you must be aware of the cause of your partner’s behavior.

Dealing with your partner’s passive aggressive behavior is very frustrating. It can lead to many serious problems if you do not do something about it as soon as possible. Tolerating a passive aggressive behavior could create a pettern where you and your partner avoid problems rather that dealing with them.

You can combat this kind of behavior by recognizing it. It will always be YOU who will suffer everything. You should put a STOP to that relationship wrecker behavior!

If your partner complains about anything and everything, does not keep promises, blames you for their own problems and avoids confrontation, then your partner could be a potential wrecker in your loving relationship.

At first glance, your partner may appear quite friendly but at some point, you will be challenged negatively by your partner’s inconsistent behavioral pattern. Your partner can be inconsistent and ambiguous. He often expects you to read his mind and meet his needs. Silence becomes a tool of escape if he proves his inability to live up to his obligations or responsibilities. He puts blame on you when everything falls apart. In the end, you will be the one to face his problems, making you feel frustrated, confused, offended, and depressed.

Now, you will wonder HOW to deal with this behavior.

You must keep in mind that this is NOT your fault. It really has nothing to do with you if your partner cannot deal with his own issues in life. Fixing your partner’s problem is not helping at all. There will be no hope if you are wasting your time by feeling guilty over something that is not really your own problem. You cannot get your needs met and you become a martyr-victim who will suffer emotionally, and that will lead you to your own destruction. Do not make yourself miserable!

You have to make a deal with your partner. Be direct about how you feel by bringing up the problems and explain to your partner how would you like him to respond to this. You must make him understand that if you do not communicate, it will affect you and your relationship as a whole. This way, you would be able to improve the situation and it will help you both grow as a couple. To help you understand eachother deeply, you must be able to talk about your fears openly.

Fair fighting can work in your situation. Try to figure out his patterns and confront him with this destructive tendencies. Do not protect him if he tries to make excuses. Do not accept when he make excuses for himself and constantly remind him of the possible consequences if he allows himself to be eaten by his personal demons. Let him make solid decisions for himself and that he has to stick to it.

If there is an attempt to control you through anger, like sarcasm or irritability, you must make him realize that his anger is a result of his fears. Find out the reasons of his anger. And if he treats you silently, then make him understand that it makes you assume things and that causes further distance between the two of you.

Remember: If a relationship which do not allow straight talk, cooperation and expression, it can become destructive.  When things go off the track, then it is time for you to find help from someone who understands this behavior. If things are not workable, then it is time for you to take a good look at your need to live with conflict. Move on with your life.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
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