Posts Tagged ‘relationship dispute’

Handling Conflict to Avoid Violence

In your relationship, there will be times when one of you will most likely to loose control and will have misunderstandings.

These conflicts are things of our daily life..
Without the process of resolving in a peaceful manner, some situations can lead to violence.

Here are some suggestions to handle conflict in order to avoid violence:

• Focus the problem and not on the person. The issue can usually be settled in a very civilized and mutually beneficial manner.
• By saying “You are wrong” to your partner, you are putting him in a defensive position.”  If you don’t share his views, just say ‘I don’t agree’, or ‘We can see it from this other perspective’.
• Don’t interrupt the other person when explaining his side. Try to listen carefully when emotions are high. This will help avoid unnecessary additional conflict that could worsen the situation.
• Repeat and confirm what you hear from him. Do it in the most considerate and respectful way. Show that you listen, and that you try to understand what the other perceives.
• Don’t raise your voice. Try to speak in a calm manner to your partner.
• Finally, do not make your partner look and feel bad. Discuss this in private so to save from embarrassment in front of his colleagues

Resolving a conflict is a matter of establishing levels of connection and effective channels of communication. It wll always be pleasurable to have agreed upon something. And it will also give you a greater capacity to resolve other conflicts in the future.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

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How To Accept And Forget Past Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be subtle and it has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant criticism and accusation. One of the damages that emotional abuse can cause is that it would be really hard for you to accept your condition.This article will help you overcome the pain and forget your past.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. This is not easy because you will be carrying this burden throughout your life.
Some events of emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this one too. If only there is something that you can chew that would make it vanish forever! But it does not work that way. It is all about reframing your memories and re-shaping your mindset.
Here are some helpful steps to help you forget past emotional abuse:

• Acceptance is the key! You must accept the face that you have been abused. You will get nowhere if your mind is set into believing that abusive behavior is normal.
• Stop feeling guilty and blaming everything to yourself!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. Find a good counselor if you think counseling is necessary. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

What you can do is use the information in your past to help you with your future. Patience and trust is something that you must have inorder to heal the wounds of emotional abuse. Everything in the past will recast in a different light If you allow things to happen.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Fixing Your Marriage: Seeking Relationship Help

At some point you get tired of the daily insults you and your husband throw on each other. Soon, either of you decides to end the relationship. Marriage in reality is not like in the movies, it has bitter and pain unlike in the movies that end up happily. There will always be fights due to differences in the attitude or personality and selfishness or lack of affection from each other. Love stories usually end happily but in reality, it is the opposite.

Women are very prone to physical and emotional abuse if you lack courage to defend yourself and fight back.  Due to your physical and emotional weakness, your husband will take this opportunity to make you feel less confident about yourself to keep you forever by his side.  He will destroy your dreams so that he will have a hold on you.Women nowadays have become victims of emotional abuse.

Most women are afraid to seek relationship help. The fear of getting abandoned by their husbands or getting beat up again is what hinders them. Seeking relationship help is practically done with the help of a close friend or a family.You must have enough courage to seek relationship help..usually that happens when you are really angry with your husband’s insecurities and insensitivity.

You must put in mind that you have nothing to do with this and it is not entirely your fault. You should not feel like you are to be blamed by your husband’s faults and actions. He must realize that he is matured enough to make decisions and be responsible of his own actions.It is too immature if your husband blame everything on you.It is a good idea to seek relationship help so you can determine if your relationship can be saved or not.If you see willingness in your husbands part to seek relationship help then your relationship has high chances of survival.

You must have a space in your relationship. You should give yourself a space inorder to grow. The relationship becomes unhealthy if you and your partner revolve in the same dimension. You should have a balanced life. If you think your husband is stopping you from doing what makes you happy, then that should be the time that you seek relationship help.

There is still a chance for your marriage to be saved if you seek professional help. If you just keep your situation as it is then insults and pains accumulate.  In addition, the insults get more and more painful.If you decide to seek relatonship help, it will help you and your husband bridge the gap between the two of you.

It may be too late for you to seek relationship help if the abuse is too serious already. You will end up miserable and devastated if you go beyond your limitation. Try to seek relationship help as soon as possible. Encourage your husband as well so the two of you become a better couple.

Neil Warner
Relationships and Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of The Art of Positive Conflicts

What makes you a good enemy?

Arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict helps you relationship grow. Even the strongest relationships can go through some tough times. This article is about knowing if you are a fair fighter in your relationship.
You become an enemy in the eyes of your significant Other if there is a fight between the two fo you. What kind of enemy do you think you are?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
If you are too proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. A good enemy listens and makes an effort to solve the conflict. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

There is desperation, loneliness and need for contact behind the idea of arguing, it is a good sign if you are able to detect these hidden contents.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
- You always feel how important it is for your partner to feel good about themselves each day. - Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers - Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship - You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. You accept your shortcomings and find ways to become a better partner
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. If you are able to deal with your problems, it shows that you have a skill in fair fighting.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and positive atmosphere. Your goal must be clear, that fighting is not to make you a bad enemy, but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Tow Ways To Resolve Interpersonal Conflict

Do you feel like your are allways  avoiding conflicting situations?

Are you feeling pushed to accept a deal where you don’t get your needs met?

Today I want to discuss with you how to deal with conflicting situations instead of avoiding them. You are also going to learn more ways on how to deal with handling issues and find solutions in every conflict that you encounter.

What if there are more ways of dealing with conflict? What if you could use these opportunities to strengthen and deepen your relationships adding a deep feeling of connection, more meaning and sense of satisfaction?

You may think that avoiding conflict situation to keep the peace.

But the question is, do you feel happy deep inside? Or you are just giving up your own needs of recognition and affection, in exchange of ‘peace’?

Here are some thoughts while dealing with conflictive situations:

• You have to be able to give in once in a while. It is fair for the both of you.
• Just agreed to avoid the silent treatment.
• It is best to calm things down.
• Bringing up the past make things worse.

It just seems so easy to ignore the problems or just accept them, than trying to do something about your differences. Specially when you don’t know how to approach the situation and get something positive out of it.

Your partner expects that that is the way you are going to react so they continue doing what they have always done. At your expenses..

Unfortunately, these unresolved issues tend to bulid up inside you and at the end there will be so much accumulate resentment it will be too late for you to save your relationship.

Remember: Small differences arise between people in their everyday lives. If you decide something for your relationship, then both of you should be willing to commit to the resolution that you have made. Conflict becomes necessary at times, it can help save your marriage if done in a thoughtful manner…

Meanwhile, you can wait for your next lesson, coming to your inbox soon!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site Positive Conflicts , And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Don’t Let Passive Aggression Ruin Your Life

Are you feeling unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you can share intimate moments? Do you feel that your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There could be contributing factors in your relationship with your partner that puts you in an unhappy state. Your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but it is also possible that he has some unresolved issues that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger.  If you do not realize the factors at some point, you will find yourself in a more chaotic situation with your partner.
In this article, you will realize if you are dealing with passive aggressive partner. This will help you understand your relationship with your partner. If you are able to understand his past, you can regain your integrity and self-respect.
Here are some signs of a person who has a PA behavior:
- Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants - Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end - Strikes his anger indirectly - Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue - Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get very emotional close. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
Emotional and contradictory messages can confuse you eventhough you try to be patient and understanding. They blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel rejected. You do not know how to process and react. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Some situation does not improve because your parner tries to confuse and brainwash you. Sometimes there are behavioral patterns that you can adapt from your partner like being violent.
Do you want to regain the power to be happy in a good relationship?

If you siad YES, you should bear in mind that his reactions has nothing to do with YOU! He would react to whoever tries to enter into his private world. Intimacy and emotional compromise with any woman is what a passive aggressive person fears and not you. When conflict appears, you should know where you stand so you can decide what to do with your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘
before I take it off line!

Controlling Anger and Saving Your Loving Relationship

How do you express your anger?

• Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
• You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
• Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows that you have not learned how to constructively express  anger. Beacuse of this lack of means,  isn’t likely to have many successful long term relationships, simply beacuse there is no way to vent this anger, it only accumulates.
Expressing anger in a controlled way is extremely difficult. The tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But is walking out of the situation a healthy way? It could be a temporary solution but it is still important that you express you anger in a proper way.
Why is it important to express anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why. Or displaying hostile and cynical behavior. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some ways on how to control your anger :

• By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
• You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
• You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. It can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation when it gets out of control.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. Try to forgive the person who wronged you.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

How to Stop Uncontrolled Anger from Destroying a Loving Relationship

Is it any wonder that your strong emotion of anger may hurt, destroy, and poison a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must put in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true nature. Anger is a negative emotion and it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must apply practical methods in your daily life to control your anger.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an earlier time.

Here are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

• Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Threatening others
• Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
• Feeling rejected
• Withdrawal from friends
• Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what causes your rage and when you do, develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you are responsible for making the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

• Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
• It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
• Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
• Use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
• Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. The best mentality is to focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

How Can Anger Destroy Your Relationship?

Happiness, as we all know, come from the relationship around you.
We all want to build a loving and lasting relationship but it is not that easy. Somewhere along the road, things will get in the way and you find yourself unable to maintain  your relationship.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a powerful emotion. It is one thing that is going to do some damage whether you choose to express it or hold it.
What if you have ever loved someone who has never learned to adjust in his surroundings? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
When one becomes really angry it creates a need to try to control everything. Anger can damage a relationship. If anger arises, events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely.

But ask yourself:
Does this help our relationship healthy?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• Anger can quickly destroy a relationship that has been good for a long time.
• Your self-esteem and confidence can be affected by anger.
• - Anger does affect trust and love.
• - Anger is not a peaceful emotion, it is full of uncertainty and fear, you’ll never know what happens next - Anger makes you say and do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.

If there is too much anger in your present situation or if you are in a relationship with someone who is easily angered, then perhaps you should start thinking if you still have an intimate life with your partner.Because being in a critical situation will make you unhappy and cause more ill feelings towards your partner and eventually would destroy your intimacy.
Trust and honesty can be destroyed by anger so easily and it wears off intimacy in your relationship. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance are the causes of anger and it can destroy a loving relationship.

Anger results to negative feelings.

Intimacy vanishes in a relationship if there is constant blaming and criticizing.

Accept and understand eachother to protect a truly valuable emotional bond that you have invested. Do not allow yourselves to erupt without talking what should be done to make things clear. Instead, find ways to discuss it in a civilized manner with a clear mind and open heart.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

The Top Reason Why You Argue In A Relationship

Do you feel that everyday conflicts are becoming increasingly hard to deal with?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s discuss how to manage interpersonal conflicts to avoid the “winner” “looser” idea in a situation…

There are some reasons to explain why you think that  “winning” over an argument will allow you to move on with the problem.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

But In order to play this type of conflict you need an “other;” someone or something to act as our opponent or obstacle, the bad one..

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• Unresolved confrontations can lead to more tension in the relationship.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

If you follow this model to the end, sooner or later you will destroy your relationship.

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”