Posts Tagged ‘relationship dispute’

The Meaning of Fighting In Your Relationship

Do you currently feel that there is a problem in the midst of your relationship?

That you no longer speak to one another?

Do you feel that everything in your relationship does not make sense anymore?

Or there is a lack of peace and harmony in your present relationship?

While peace and harmony in your relationship keeps you motivated and productive, conflict results in endless fights, loneliness, resentment, and mistrust. Conflict makes you suffer emotionally, mentally and physically.

You can react on these situations in different ways:

• You may decide to escape; to do anything to avoid another conflict situation: giving in to other demands without being satisfied to yourself, only to keep the peace; settling for second-best place where you don’t ever have to be bothered with anything related to confrontation, challenge, or friction.
• Fighting fire against fire results to verbal and physical violence.
• Or you can avoid future conversations on problematic issues by denying the conflict
• Or you can avoid future conversions on problematic issues by denying the conflict. It is possible that you can give up and go along with others, forgetting your own interests and finally compromising your soul.
• You can decide to get your own way no matter what, and do “passive aggressive resistance” without ever getting to discuss your behaviour and its impact on the other. Or you can go the way of skilful negotiations, and learn how to talk about difficult issues with the person you love, and explore different sides of dispute and get an agreement.

But I want you to be aware that it is always best to interpret conflict from a different angle:

What if this situation is not an attack to you but a way for this person, to relate to you, a way of calling out for your support, connection and recognition?

A lot of people always assumed that they would be unhappy in their marriage, that nobody can provide them all the respect; space and love they need, because those ideas were too different or exotic to them. They may have read those ideas in my book, but they found them radically different from their own. An argument is not about whois right or wrong.

Finally they can feel that they can control in a positive way what happens with their relationships

Remember you deserve a happy life with harmonious relationship with your significant other.

But how can you do it?

The answer is simple…

If each argument is an opportunity to get you two closer, if conflicts can be used to build up the relationship, then there is no need to fear any confrontation… just the opposite!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site and get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Healing the Hurt Caused by Emotional Abuse

If you have ever been the type of person who had a hard time letting go of past hurt, you most likely be thinking of all the things you might have had done instead. You will be so much focused on anything that involves blaming yourself for whatever the result of your failed relationship.

You may have suffer emotional abuse at one time or another. However, it is not the place you want to stay.
Do you want to always be reminded of every pain and sorrow you had? I hope you don’t. But if you do, maybe you have been badly hurt or just afraid to get hurt again. It will take you nowhere if you keep the pain. You should be thankful if you have been bruised so bad because it makes you a stronger person. You have to trust yourself believing you can overcome this pain.
Trust and faith are needed in moving on. You must have faith in everything. It is not too late for everything. Actually, it's never too late to change and become a better you. Because you deserve a caring relationship.
So why keep the past pain that bruised, wounded, beaten, and burned you so badly? Take time to heal after all the hurt and pain. But keep in mind, it takes time and work to bring about healing. Always forgive yourself if you have wronged. Doing so, it will help you move on.

You will come to appreciate people who treats you a lot better, cultivating healthier relationships if you allow yourself to move on. You will come to realize there are many people who cares and will do what they can to help and support in picking up yourself again. You learn to trust yourself when making careful decisions and choices. New memories will help ease the pain from the past. You may look back, but you can never go back. You can only move forward.

Remember to make yourself happy at all times. Evaluate yourself and try to see if things are working for your own good. Understanding yourself with compassion is also a key to a happier you. Do something special like taking a trip with your loved ones and as well as people you find supportive.
Getting away from a painful situation, will help you gain a new perspective. Learn to enjoy and appreciate the things you have now. You see, you may not have the things you want, but sometimes the things that you did not expect is what you really needed after all. Truth is, getting hurt can be good for you. If you’re still in pain, you won’t agree yet. But when you look back after all the sorrow is gone, you will deeply appreciate the experience and the things you learned from it.

The lessons you get from the past pain makes you able to grow and seek out new relationships - healthier and positive. Your experience will help you make wise choices in life. You avoid the people who were responsible for creating those unwanted feelings. However, you should also take responsibility of owning your own relationship. You suffer unreasonably because of an abusive partner. Only when you stop seeing yourself as a victim will you start to see yourself in a better way.
You start realizing despite what had happened, it is still reasonable for you to want a fulfilling relationship. You have the chance of getting what you want if only you put yourself on the line. Remember, you lose yourself if you do not venture. Do not be afraid of taking the challenge of letting go.
{You deserve a happy ending}. Getting over the pain and lmoving on willmake you realize your self-worth. One of the best ways of taking care of your well-being is allowing to spend more time with yourself. You become a better and stronger person. You should make a way to look after yourself from now on.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict
FREE Report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Emotional Abuse: How Its Affects You

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship  for a long time, you may loose your ‘inner compass’ and can become convinced that you are worthless, and that is all your fault, and  you feel like you have nowhere else to go.

Try to honestly answer this questions to yourself:

• Is your ultimate fear to be left alone, without no one to love you?
• Do you sacrifice your own wishes, just to please your partner?
• Do  you become more submissive after  your partner  abuses?
• Do you felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid arguments?

If you are in a relationship wherein emotional abuse happens everyday, the effects are dangerous than any form of abuse because it can be frequent. The effects of emotional abuse can be subtle, it makes you feel that you are the problem in the relationship even if you are not. It makes you doubt your self-worth and affects your self-esteem also.

Here are the negative effects of long-term emotional abuse:

• Low self-esteem
• Emotional Stress
• Health Problems
• Depression
• Isolation
• Alcohol or drug use

You may seem introverted, quiet, or may appear confident and extrovert, which is an act to fool the outside world so that you can hide the humiliation you are experiencing. You are resistant to seek help from others and decided to deal with it on your own. But ongoing contact can drag you back in the abusive situation again and again.

You must try to do something if your partner is unwilling to seek help or knowledge.
The recovery process is long and painful. In the end, you may decide to hurt yourself, it may influence your mentality. It may result to suicide when dealing with a long-term emotional abuse. You would feel unlovable and unworthy.

If only you would seek proper counseling, this chain of suffering could be stopped once and for all.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

How to Turn Confrontations into Positive Events

Do you feel that confrontation is an easy way to loose someone? 
Are you somewhat doubtful of the idea of conflicts as the way for change?
What if effectively resolving conflicts can improve your relationship?
What if a confrontation was not a message of reject, but a reach out for help and recognition?

Think about your reasons to confront someone..
When you initiate a confrontation, ,

Is it that You feel the need of recognition and confirmation from your partner?
OR
Is it because destroying your relationship or harming your partner is what you want?

You would say that it is about recognition and confirmation.

It is not easy to control when you are in the midst of confrontation.
Positive conflict techniques will allow you to negotiate your point while giving your partner the same recognition.

These are the things you should know about conflict:

• Early indicators of conflict can often be recognized, giving you a chance before things get out of hand.
• Conflict is inevitable in any healthy relationship, so accept it in your life.
• Although inevitable, once accepted and planned for, conflict can be minimized, diverted, managed and resolved.
• If you prepare for a confrontation, you will less reason to fear it.
• There are strategies for resolution that are available and DO work.
• You can always determine what needs change in your relationship.

Some people think that conflicts and confrontations are to be avoided at all costs. 
As a result, they get so good at avoiding them, that they are blocked by their own limitations, reaching always the same dead ends.

But how can you void this trap?

You should not be threatened of the thought that conflict can easily make you lose your loved ones. Think that any confrontation can be seen as an opportunity to build something more solid, like building a breach between your needs and his or her needs..

Neil Warner
PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site and get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

5 Steps To Boost Your Communication Style

Of all the the things you can control in your life, much depends on the quality of your communication style. If you are going to be a successful in any aspect of your Relationship, Work, and Family, then improving your communication skills will give you a real advantage.

Steps To improve Your Communication Style:

1. Watch your language, and begin washing out words commonly thought of as aggressive or inflammatory. your language will be more effective If you stick to a description of the facts (at the least the part of the facts you know),. Avoid the temptation of doing complex interpretations of others behavior or sayings. For example, try “That makes me feel bad. Why are you saying it?” instead of “You must really hate me.”
   
2. Avoid using the words “never” and “always.” They really offend people and put them at the deffensive. These words are obviously untrue, because you can’t see that far into the future. Using them will destroy your credibility, while unfairly denying the other’s potential for change and self-improvement.
3. Learn to listen. Really listening to the other, is the best thing you can do in an argument. Make a point of repeating what the other person said, perhaps adding an acknowledgement of their emotional state: “What you are telling me is that the situation in your company is so bad that you are sure your position will be terminated, and that has you in serious trouble making your house payments. I can see why you’re scared and angry.”
4. Difficult conversations require total attention. Listening validates the other, and shows that you understand, respect and care about their point of view. The other person will be encouraged to take the next step, and start looking for a solution.
5. Do not avoid talking about a difficult issue. Volunteer your help by respectfully bringing up issues that are problematic, worrisome or sad. Help other people overcome denial. It is okay to say, “I realize that this is difficult for you, and I’d like to understand all the aspects of this situation… can you tell me more about how you got pregnant?”

Practicing this tips will put you on the path to master  arguments and disputes, generated either by you or by others; more control of the process and outcome of any discussion, not withstanding how difficult the issue can be.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
For more insights on dealing with your conflicts, visit Positive Conflicts and claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

The Secret To Understand Disputes In Your Relatiosnhip

Probably you have had your own share of Conflicts in your life—and who hasn’t? — and as a result you may even be very reluctant to get near anything that smells of a dispute.

It could be that you lost in a serious confrontation that left a permanent rift between you and your partner. Or your best work friendship was killed by silly recriminations that started out of nowhere, but you did not stop.
And because of this past bad experiences, today you think that the best option you have is to simply avoid any conflict.

For example Look at this very common situation:

Your spouse is stealing your ideas, and using them as if they where his, in front of people who know you too. These episodes made him look very smart, and you very dumd.
Because you don’t want to lose this relationship, You choose to do nothing , but you are hurt and angry inside, and all trust is gone between you two.

What is the cost of avoiding conflict.?

Every time that you opt to escape conflict, you are sending a message the other party,that this behaviuor its ok with you. And by realizing you don’t challenge his behaviour, he will keep on doing the same things against you, just because they don’t realize how strong do you feel about it.

Self Respect is the price…

By becoming an expert in avoiding disputes, you will also need to avoid deep relationships! If you give in to other’s demands without being satisfied yourself, only to keep the peace; settling for second-best without getting your needs met, what are the consequences? Can you see your self respect being constantly eroded?

Can you be 50% Happy?

Or you could became a compromiser, a person who prefers that 50% of everything Ending up with less of what you wants and more of what you don’t want…..

How many ways are there of dealing with conflict, besides avoiding or denying it?

Or accepting a compromise, any compromise offered, so to be able to walk away from it?

At least one more choice:

You can learn how to find a fair solution for both partner, following a clear processes for decision making in conflict.  You can became a reconciler of extremely opposite positions, that seeks that a fair compromise is reached, to the gratitude of all involved.

In short, this is what you need to know about Arguments :

• Arguments  in relationships are inevitable.
• Although inevitable, Conflicts can be denied, minimized, diverted, managed and/or resolved.
• We all face Disputes  because we are dealing with people’s lives, jobs, money, pride, self-concept, ego and sense of mission or purpose, in daily basis.
• You can train yourself to identify early indicators of a Conflict .
• Good strategies for resolution are available and DO work.
• When forced to fight by the other side, you can fight fair, and keep you self esteem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

For more insights on dealing with your relationship, visit Positive Conflicts and claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationships‘