Posts Tagged ‘relationship issues’

Relationship Advice For A Long and Happy Partnership

Negotiating as a Couple]

Trust is only one of the things you will need to solve~is important but it is only half the battle when it comes to fixing~is only half of the solution to~can only ever be half of the solution to} getting help with your relationship advice. Equally significant is the ability to negotiate. Research into relationship counseling has shown that this technique achieves the best results. It will obviously be an advantage if you are a good communicator during the negotiation, and the skills involved in good communication and effective negotiation are compatible. Remember to be clear, stick to the point, avoid ending a negotiation on a low point, be flexible, do not assume and never blame. Here are a few more elements to keep in mind whilst negotiating with your partner.

Change negative complaints into positive requests

The most important rule of effective negotiation should be to stay focused on the future of your relationship instead of the past. All complaints are by definition part of the past, and the first thing to do is to change that by converting them into requests for the future. Here is an example, if a woman were to say to her husband ‘I hate that you have been returning home late after work’, this could be reworded as ‘I’d prefer it if you could return home earlier from work.’ I hope that it will be clear to you that the second, positive, future form of words is much more likely to produce a positive response from her partner than the first. All relationship issues can be altered in this way, turning the negative into the positive, rather than arguing or saying ‘You are always complaining.’

Making your needs clear

The next step in improving upon your negotiating skills is learning to make your requests more specific. As an example, if you say to your partner ‘I want you to be more positive to me’, it would be difficult for them to understand exactly what you mean. This would not make it clear where, when or how you would like to be treated differently. You should be clearer and more specific in your request. As an example, if you say ‘I would prefer you to back me up when we are out at dinner with Michael’, this statement is much clearer and more specific, making it easier for you partner to understand your needs.

What you ask of your partner could be a lot more conventional than this. You may simply want your partner to help out more around the house. Again this could be considered to be too general, and it would be better if you were to say ‘I would really like you to help me to clean the carpets.’ The more specific a request, the greater the chances are of it being understood and acted upon. This also makes it easier to be sure whether or not it’s been carried out by your partner when the time come to assess how the new plan is progressing.

Look towards the future

If you are certaining about wanting to know how to save a relationship, you need to look to the future. These examples of turning complaints into requests show how important it can be to make your requests more specific. These requests are worded in a way that is ‘future oriented’. This is a good way to negotiate. One alternative would be to make the comment ‘I wish you could have been more supportive when we were having dinner with Fred last week.’ This is quite specific, however, it is in the form of a complaint, not a request. There is nothing that your partner can do to correct the mistake, as it is already in the past. All that he/she can do is apologize and promise to try to do better the next time.

Also the example regarding helping out with the housework is not constructive if you phrase it like this ‘You never help out with the housework.’ Worded in this way the comment is just like a complaint. If you change it round a little to say it as a call for some support it would probably be taken in a more constructive way. Asking for your better half to address their behavior in the future is much more likely to taken a great deal more earnestly.

Common Relationship Problems And How To Handle Them

No matter how happy a couple is and how compatible they are with each other, they will still fight. I know; the fact that every couple has relationship problems is little comfort when your relationship is going through a rough patch.

But what does make you feel better is that if others can solve their love problems, so can you. In this article, I talk about two of the common relationship problems that are faced by people and what you can do to handle them.

Solving Relationship Problems

Lack of communication: Almost all your problems can be solved if you simply knew how to communicate effectively with your partner. Simply talking is not what communication is all about. By effective communication I mean, your partner should understand exactly what it is you’re trying to say.

For example, a man tells his woman - “Honey, the chicken you cooked today was absolutely wonderful”. Now the man was paying a compliment to his woman, but if she’s not hearing him right her response could be something like, “What do you mean by TODAY? That means I’m a lousy cook most other days?” And that’s how fights begin. Thus, make sure your partner is getting the message that you want to send out and not something else.

A good way to ensure that is to ask your partner if they understood what you were saying. If their answer is what you were trying to communicate, great! If not, you can tell them exactly what you meant so that misunderstandings and thus fights can be avoided.

Jealousy: The occasional jealousy in a relationship is very normal and can in fact be healthy. However, if your partner gets all green faced with jealousy (the same goes for you too) every time you talk to someone from the opposite sex, then that is not normal and can cause problems in your relationship.

Ugly jealousy can be handled by first admitting to yourself that you are unreasonably jealous and then trying to understand the cause for it. Is it because you’ve had previous bad experiences? Are you insecure because your parents may not have had a good marriage?

Once you know where your insecurities stem from, you can then take the necessary steps to build your confidence and faith in your partner and avoid unnecessary relationship problems.

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