Posts Tagged ‘Relationship Problem Advice’

Relationship Advice For A Long and Happy Partnership

Negotiating as a Couple]

Trust is only one of the things you will need to solve~is important but it is only half the battle when it comes to fixing~is only half of the solution to~can only ever be half of the solution to} getting help with your relationship advice. Equally significant is the ability to negotiate. Research into relationship counseling has shown that this technique achieves the best results. It will obviously be an advantage if you are a good communicator during the negotiation, and the skills involved in good communication and effective negotiation are compatible. Remember to be clear, stick to the point, avoid ending a negotiation on a low point, be flexible, do not assume and never blame. Here are a few more elements to keep in mind whilst negotiating with your partner.

Change negative complaints into positive requests

The most important rule of effective negotiation should be to stay focused on the future of your relationship instead of the past. All complaints are by definition part of the past, and the first thing to do is to change that by converting them into requests for the future. Here is an example, if a woman were to say to her husband ‘I hate that you have been returning home late after work’, this could be reworded as ‘I’d prefer it if you could return home earlier from work.’ I hope that it will be clear to you that the second, positive, future form of words is much more likely to produce a positive response from her partner than the first. All relationship issues can be altered in this way, turning the negative into the positive, rather than arguing or saying ‘You are always complaining.’

Making your needs clear

The next step in improving upon your negotiating skills is learning to make your requests more specific. As an example, if you say to your partner ‘I want you to be more positive to me’, it would be difficult for them to understand exactly what you mean. This would not make it clear where, when or how you would like to be treated differently. You should be clearer and more specific in your request. As an example, if you say ‘I would prefer you to back me up when we are out at dinner with Michael’, this statement is much clearer and more specific, making it easier for you partner to understand your needs.

What you ask of your partner could be a lot more conventional than this. You may simply want your partner to help out more around the house. Again this could be considered to be too general, and it would be better if you were to say ‘I would really like you to help me to clean the carpets.’ The more specific a request, the greater the chances are of it being understood and acted upon. This also makes it easier to be sure whether or not it’s been carried out by your partner when the time come to assess how the new plan is progressing.

Look towards the future

If you are certaining about wanting to know how to save a relationship, you need to look to the future. These examples of turning complaints into requests show how important it can be to make your requests more specific. These requests are worded in a way that is ‘future oriented’. This is a good way to negotiate. One alternative would be to make the comment ‘I wish you could have been more supportive when we were having dinner with Fred last week.’ This is quite specific, however, it is in the form of a complaint, not a request. There is nothing that your partner can do to correct the mistake, as it is already in the past. All that he/she can do is apologize and promise to try to do better the next time.

Also the example regarding helping out with the housework is not constructive if you phrase it like this ‘You never help out with the housework.’ Worded in this way the comment is just like a complaint. If you change it round a little to say it as a call for some support it would probably be taken in a more constructive way. Asking for your better half to address their behavior in the future is much more likely to taken a great deal more earnestly.

Yield to Issues In Relationships?

Most often, when we get into a battle of ego with our romantic partner during relationship troubles and we are reluctant to give in, it can be really difficult for both parties to settle the matters.  When this kind of things occurs, both parties tend to look for all kinds of ways to make the other party admit to his/her own problems, because each side most likely thinks that he/she is correct.

If this kind of power struggle happens regularly, it can create much damage to the relationship.  Then, the question becomes, if you really want to preserve your relationship, how far are you willing to bend your values?  How far can you afford to give yourself up in order to avoid losing your partner?

As you might have already experienced, it’s not easy to find the balance between maintaining our integrity and agreeing to disagree.  How far can you give up your own values without feeling you are severely compromised by the relationship or your lover?

Check out this truly great guide to rescue your relationship while maintaining your own integrity: Problems In Relationships - Should You Give In?

If we can take a step back and ponder on these questions, we see an inherent paradox in these questions.  In order to preserve our relationship, if we really must bend our own values, then are we still saving our relationship?  In my opinion, if we have to give up our own values so that we can keep our relationship, then the relationship is not loving anymore.  A truly loving relationship is a relationship in which each person accepts and even values the differences between them. 

We learn and grow from the problems in relationships.  Therefore, I believe that we should look at these questions from the perspective of each person growing and learning from their differences in values, instead of looking at them in terms of bending values to accommodate another person.

Many partners in romantic relationships become much better persons and lovers when they learn and grow from their differences in relationship.  When one or both partners are reluctant to see the differences as opportunities for growth, then they will have problems.

Opportunities for learning and growth can be lost if one partner does not feel that he/she is accepted by the other partner and chooses to withdraw from the problem when the differences become a sore-thumb in the relationship.  The other partner directly or indirectly has to give in when this issue continues without any improvement, making the relationship an unhealhy one.

As a reminder, here is a wonderful free website that gives very good tips to save your relationship, that can help you to welcome the challenges in your relationship, please check out: Problems In Relationship - Why You Should Welcome Them.

Usually, romantic partners will have problems in their relationship before they learn how to handle and appreciate their differences successfully.  The result will depend on what they choose to do.  Two potential decisions result from the conflicts in romantic relationship, which are the intent to learn about love or the intent to protect oneself from the pains caused by romantic relationship.

One will find ingenious ways to avoid dealing with relationship problems when he/she has the intention to protect himself/herself against the pains caused by relationship.  They may act defensive, argue, blame, withdraw, resist, explain, give in, etc.  The real issue is usually not being looked at when the partners are skirting around the real issue in order to avoid any pain of facing the issue.

As a result, the partners grow more distant from each other and become more unhappy.  The actual problem is not in the differences themselves, but rather in the unwillingness to learn and grow from the differences and problems in relationships.  Real spiritual growth and personal development occur when both partners are willing to learn from their differences and problems.

As human, if we try to control others, we almost certainly will face problems.  Thus, it is almost impossible for us to make another person be open to learning if he/she is unwilling to do so.  When you see that it is almost impossible for your partner to learn and grow from the differences, the question becomes how far you are willing to bend your values in order to preserve the relationship.  It is still worthwhile to work on the issue from your side so that your relationship can be saved as long as you do not feel that you are compromising your integrity as a person.

When you are trying to give up your own integrity in order to save your relationship, you are really indirectly hurting your relationship, and this is not healthy and a good solution to your problems in relationship.  In the long run, the relationship will be destroyed if we give up our own integrity to save the relationship, because subconsciously we regret our own actions.  By no way does this mean that you must stand so firmly on your own values that you demand your partner to decide whether he/she wants to accept you or chooses to change himself/herself.  Both of you must realize that real growth and love happens in relationship when both partners can successfully agree to disagree in a respectful and honest way.

I hope this article is helpful to you. Here is a website that contains my review of the best relationship problem advice products that I have come across: Best Save Relationship Guides.