Posts Tagged ‘sexual intimacy’

6 Reasons Why People Cheat In Marriage.

How many times have most of us heard the comment from someone who has been cheated on that they had no idea that their partner was involved in an extramarital affair? Often this is because they have failed to pick up on the inevitable small or subtle signs, of their partner’s infidelity. In a strong marital relationship, any attraction to a member of the opposite sex will be merely passive and any intimate advances from a member of the opposite sex will be rejected. Generally speaking the reason why people cheat on their partner is because of something lacking, or perceived to be lacking, in their marriage.

There are many signs of cheating, some obvious, some not so.

Outlined below are six of the major reasons for a spouse turning to another person for sexual intimacy:

1. Protest
There are many people who consider that they are within their rights to have an affair particularly if there is no intimacy at home because they and their spouse are continually arguing over matters. These people will often seek understanding and peace in the arms of another person as compensation for the problems they are facing in their marriage.

2. Insecurity
There may be many reasons for this. For example:

• A man may very well feel disenfranchised when his pregnant wife focuses entirely on the impending birth of their child and excludes him from any form of intimacy.
• Many women get wrapped up in their children’s lives and tend to neglect the intimate side of a spousal relationship.
• A man will often concentrate on his job and ignore his wife and family. She may then seek the attention of someone else to provide her with the companionship that is missing in her marital relationship.
• Either party may begin to feel vulnerable about their age and their sexual attractiveness with advancing years.

3. Sex & Love
When one of the spouses has declining, or no interest in a sexual relationship with their partner but the spouse’s sexual feelings are still strong, an affair is often seen as the answer to sexual fulfillment.
 
A person may still need the same sort of love that they first had at the beginning of their relationship. This is of course not realistic because the total sexual and emotional “in love” feeling that both partners had for each other is a short lived thing - many people don’t acknowledge this and yearn for what was in the early period of their relationship. When that rush of sexually charged love goes, a spouse may think that something is wrong with their relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere.

In many of these situations a straying spouse will convince themselves that they have only got involved in an extramarital affair because of what is often called the “fun” that is missing from their marriage.

Love and romance is the lifeblood of a successful marriage. This article provides tips on what you need to do to remain romantic lovers.

4. The One Night Stand
These are usually affairs that don’t involve romance or love so they have very little significance to the straying partner beyond providing an outlet to satisfy their lust for more intimacy. Nevertheless such affairs can have a devastating effect on an innocent partner if they should ever find out.

5. Growing Apart
Couples interests alter and often go in different directions sometimes reaching a point where they can no longer fulfill each others needs.

6. Breakdown of a Relationship
When a relationship reaches the point where there are irreconcilable differences it is common for one or both partners to go about searching for someone else so that they have companionship when the marriage dissolves.

Here are a couple of very common reasons why some individuals are “affair prone”, and remain having extramarital affairs throughout a committed marriage, although they mostly have no intention of breaking it up:

Excitement
There are those people who are obsessed by their early feelings of love and intimacy with their partner and desperately want those feelings and involvement to continue unabated although they understand that this is an unrealistic expectation. A break up with their partner is generally not a consideration so they become involved in secret meetings with willing partners who provide them with the exciting love and intimacy that is now missing in their married relationship.

Fear of Intimacy
For some people the intimacy of a committed relationship is too hard to handle. An affair, short or long term, becomes a means of creating distance and privacy. For those involved in a long term affair they have in effect established two part time relationships, one involving their spouse and the other with their partner outside marriage. In this scenario they have effectively eliminated the possibility of having full intimacy with either.

Surviving Infidelity: What Are the Solutions to An Extramarital Affair?

What is the trigger for an extramarital affair?

An affair may be sexual in nature or it could merely be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite or same gender. The beginnings of such “affairs” can very often be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is missing for one reason or another. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

One or more of the reasons itemised below, are generally referred to as the motivation/excuse for starting an extramarital affair:

1. My wife / husband has become tiresome.
2. I was taken advantage of at a time of weakness.
3. My partner has let themselves go, consequently I now don’t find them sexually attractive.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me especially after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. No intimacy at home because of repeated business trips away.
7. My partner suffers from a distressing health condition and is not able to meet my needs for intimacy.

Some of the above may not be able to be resolved. However If both parties to the marriage have decided that they are bent on surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their marriage  then consideration needs to be given to several factors, for example:

• If the innocent spouse has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to find out whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transmission of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
• The matter of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have put me and our family through?
• Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be lured into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful in the future?
• Some serious thought needs to be given to involving a third party to provide marriage counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite trying for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this subject on their own.

If you are the blameless party and are really interested in forgiving your spouse, and putting your marriage back on track, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:

• Your partner voluntarily divulged the affair to you.
• They are open when grilled about it.
• They have told you that they are remorseful for having strayed.
• They have agreed to sever all contact with the other party.
• They have agreed to undergo counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the conclusion of a marriage if you both truly have the desire and the inclination to fix your relationship then marriage reconciliation is wholly possible.