Posts Tagged ‘Surviving An Affair’

Crisis has an important role in Saving Your Marriage

You know that your marriage is in complete crisis, things are getting worse every day, where do I even start the proccess of saving my marriage?

It maybe that you are both surviving an affair and trying to make some sense of the chaos,and wondering how on earth things have deteriorated to this point.

Well here’s some good news, if you are desperately working on saving your marriage, or trying to stop your divorce before it becomes final, there is still hope for you both, and there have been many people who are where you are now, and who have gone on to not only patch things up, but come out of the situation with a stronger relationship, and a rediscovered closeness and intimacy.

So even though you are both feeling hurt angry and confused at the moment, this might actually be a positive thing! Sounds unbelievable I know, but its true. This is one of the most important bits of advice on relationships I can offer you.

How about looking at things in a very different way. Imagine a company that is losing money every day and heading rapidly for bankrupcy. What you have to understand here is that the situation had to become a crisis, before the business owner realised that he had to act, and by doing so he built a better stronger business from the ruins of the old one. If the crisis hadnt happened chances are nothing would have changed, and business wouldnt have been rebuilt and improved. So the crisis was a GOOD THING! Do you see how this situation compares with that of your marriage?

At this point in time, I understand that your situation feels awful, but it is actually good that you have arrived at this point, because it offers you the chance to work with each other to change all the things in your marriage that dont work, and build a fantastic loving and supportive new relationship. What an incredible opportunity this is WOW!

If your marriage is in crisis, take action now before it is too late, visit my site where I will share with you A SIMPLE SEVEN STEP RECONCILIATION PROCESS that gets fantastic results CLICK HERE.

Saving your Marriage, Read here in case of Relationship Emergency

You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and
begin to faint from the searing heat.

and…

You suspect there’s about to be a raging fire.

But the fire and carnage you fear won’t be from
any material possessions lost, but from something much
more precious, a once loving relationship going up in flames.

No matter what problem set your fire blazing, many
of us don’t know where or how to begin applying
the water to put the fire out.

In fact…

Unlike a real fire where a fireman first looks to
find, attack and cool the source of the fire (if possible).

Often attacking the source of the heat isnt the right way to approach things
when trying to extinguish our relationship problems and fires.

Imagine that since this economic downturn
your relationship has flared up some worrying financial blazes.

Not too hard to imagine these days?

These may start as little brush fires, small issues and arguments
over how and where money is being spent…or not spent.

Then, maybe because of the heat and pressure of these
financial fires one partner starts ‘escaping’ more than
is healthy for the relationship.

He escapes into TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Cyber
Porn…or worse?

Now…what do we have?

We’ve got two fires smoldering away and soon to be a third because
the other member of the relationship is beginning to feel isolated and lonely.

Can you almost feel the pressure?

Feel it coming to a boil?

Now with three fires off to a crackling start there’s
even greater risk of fire and damage spreading to other areas.

So? Just which fire do we put out first?

Our financial fire? Our financial blaze feels pretty tough to
extinguish right now and not likely to die soon.

So maybe we should start with the escapism? That seems
like an easy blaze to put out…IF you’re not the one escaping!

…and try telling someone that’s feeling lonely and isolated
that “they should just snap out of it” is like throwing fuel
into the fire.

So where do we begin when we don’t see any
excellent place to begin? And we finally realize that
trying to stomp out all our blazes at once actually spreads
the fire?…FASTER!

The answer is…

Unlike fighting a REAL fire, we start where there
IS NO BLAZE.

Yes, start where there is no fire, smoke or heat
and no flame.

What we need to do here is to stop concentrating on the problem(s)
and put our concentration on where some passion still exists…even if
it’s just a little.

Find even the tiniest things you both enjoy doing
together, ACTIVELY put your problems aside and begin to
reawaken the passion between you.

And do you know what invariably happens? Often once you’ve
reignited the passion between you…the PROBLEMS will often work
themselves out.

The fires extinguish themselves.

Here’s how it may play out using our example;

Tom and Cindy both love cooking together.

They both actively decide to let their problems
go and NOT worry about them for awhile, but to start
by cooking meals together and sitting down to eat together
the dinner table…EVERY night.

Often because they’ve had such a great time cooking
and eating meals together…they place poker or another game
afterwards and share some laughs and have a little fun.

Now, Cindy isnt feeling so lonely anymore
Tom’s always watching TV or surfing the web…

That little bit of fun turns into love making a little
more often.

Which in part…leads to…

Tom starts to feel better about himself and a new self confidence starts growing
and as his confidence builds… Tom gets more assertive
about finding work.

Soon…

Tom lands what maybe not the best job in the world, but one
that relaxes a lot of the money stress until he
can find the perfect fit for him.

And before your very eyes…

Where Tom and Cindy’s relationship was about to burst
into flames…

Now, they are rising from the rubble with
a stronger and more fire proof marriage than ever before.

The moral of the story is that with enough PASSION
couples can overcome most any problem including surviving an affair, drug use,
even death in the family.

But when there is very little passion even the tiniest
problems…become big, out of control, blazing fires.

Now if you’re reading this, but feel that an out
of control fire has already ‘gutted’ and put an end to your
relationship. You may find it comforting to know that there
may be a fresh start for you? Saving my marriage may be a real possibility?

If you are in Tom and Cindys situation working on saving your marriage or trying to stop your divorce [or simply need some solid advice on relationships]visit my site for a POWERFUL AND EASY SEVEN STEP RENCONCILLIATION PROCESS.

CLICK HERE to check it out.

How to Survive an Affair and start saving Your Marriage

Sadly many marriages and relationships end because of an affair, and you know what? Things dont have to work out this way. In my practice the majority of couples who come to me in this situation where one or other party [or very rarely both] have had an affair actually succeed in surviving an affair rebuilding their relationship and have gone on with their lives stronger, happier and more connected than they were before.

If you are one of these people struggling to stop your divorce or desperately working on saving your marriage, there is an above average hope of success if you follow some simple guidelines. I believe that this can be the single most important piece of advice on relationships I can offer to couples. Here are 5 simple steps that can help you both to get through this situation.

1/ Choose not to look at what has happened as a BAD THING. I cant believe that I hear you say to yourself. The reason is this and its called feedback. Whenever something in your life goes badly wrong, you are getting negative feedback, and what this is doing is giving you the chance to put things back on track and this is actually a GOOD THING!

2/ Avoid getting involved in blaming your partner for what has happened. Whilst it is true that one or both members of the relationship have damaged the others trust, if you only focus on blame and anger, you will never be able to move forward.

3/ Another important thing is not too blame yourself for the your partners affair. They took the action not you.

4/ The basic reason why any person has an affair is having needs met that are not being met in their marriage or relationship. These needs may be emotional physical spiritual or mental. By talking honestly and openly about these needs without anger or blame both people can gain a new and powerful awareness of each other’s relationship needs .

5/ Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions “I had an affair because you never want physicality any more” is putting the responsibility on the other person. “I chose to have an affair because I felt unloved and undesired sexually” is being responsible for your own actions. By using the “I” word couples can talk about their relationship situation without the other person feeling attacked and consequently feeling they have to respond defensively.

If you want to make a powerful start today on saving your marriage or relationship before it becomes too late visit my site http://www.squidoo.com/marriage-relationship-help-advice   where I share with you an extremely powerful and SIMPLE 7 STEP RECONCILLIATION PROCCESS which has had fantastic results for my clients.

If You Stop Playing the Blame Game, You can Start Saving Your Marriage

If you are serious about saving your marriage or relationship or are working together to stop your divorce, then a very important first step is to stop playing the blame game. Of all the advice on relationships I offer to my clients, especially those surviving an affair, this is the most important single thing.

What is the blame game? Simple, blaming your husband, wife or partner for everything that is wrong in your marriage. Until you take this simple step and start taking responsibility for how YOU feel, rather than pointing the finger at your other half, things are unlikely to change for the better.

If you play the blame game, all you are doing is creating further anger and conflict in your marriage rather than allowing any real communication or problem solving.

Here is an example of what I mean. ” Your always out with your friends and not with me” is an accusation and an attack, and your partner will in all probability respond in a defensive manner. What do you do when someone points a finger in your face? Your automatic response is to push it away! However if you were to say “ I am feeling very lonely” that is quite a different way of saying the same thing isn’t it?

The huge difference here is that rather than laying the blame, you are taking responsibiliy, and this makes a massive difference in the response you will recieve. As your partner does not feel that you are attacking or accusing them, they will listen to what you have to say rather than defend themselves.

This use of the “I” STATEMENT, rather than “you” is often the most important factor in restarting communication and dealing with marital/relationship problems. It enables couples to clearly outline their problems in a way that will get them heard by the other person.

Try using this powerful tool to outline your relationship needs rather than playing the blame game, and guarantee that you will be amazed at the results. Saving my marriage using this technique becomes a whole lot easier.

If you want to make a powerful start today on saving your marriage or relationship before it becomes too late visit my site CLICK HERE where I share with you an extremely powerful and SIMPLE 7 STEP RECONCILLIATION PROCCESS which has had fantastic results for my clients.

Crisis is Positive, You Can Stop Your Divorce

So your marriage or relationship is in serious trouble, getting worse every day, how do I go about saving my marriage I hear you ask?

It may be that you are both surviving an affair, trying to make sense out of the chaos of your lives, and wondering where can I even start to make things better.

Well here’s some good news, if you are desperately working on saving your marriage, or trying to stop your divorce before it becomes final, there is still hope for you both, and there have been many people who are where you are now, and who have gone on to not only patch things up, but come out of the situation with a stronger relationship, and a rediscovered closeness and intimacy.

So despite the way you are both feeling at the moment, this situation may actually be a good thing! Sounds unbelievable I know, but its true. This is one of the most important bits of advice on relationships I can offer you.

Here is a completely different perspective on things. Imagine a business in crisis, losing money and heading for total bankrupcy. Things actually had to become critical before the owner realised that he had to do something drastic to save his business, but by taking the right action, he rebuilt his business so it was even stronger than before. If it was not for the crisis, the business would not have been rebuilt, and bankrupcy would soon have followed. So the crisis was a GOOD THING! Can you see the similarity between this situation and your marriage?

Right now I know that the situation you are in feels terrible, but believe it or not it is actually good, because it offers both of you the opportunity to to work together, changing all the things that dont work in your marriage, and rebuilding a powerful supportive loving and lasting relationship from the ruins and going on to have a fantastic life together. This is an incredible opportunity WOW!

If your marriage is in crisis, take action now before it is too late, visit my site where I will share with you A SIMPLE SEVEN STEP RECONCILIATION PROCESS that gets fantastic results CLICK HERE.

Stop Blaming Your Partner and Start Saving Your Marriage

If you have a genuine commitment to saving your marriage, or are determined to stop your divorce, then make your first step stopping playing the blame game. Of all the advice on relationships I offer to my clients, this is without doubt the single most important piece.

What do I mean by the blame game? Easy, putting the blame for everything that is wrong in your marriage or relationship at the feet of your partner. Until you take this simple step and start taking responsibility for how YOU feel, rather than pointing the finger at your other half, things are unlikely to change for the better.

All you are acheiving by blaming your partner for your problems, is creating more conflict and anger, rather than allowing communication and resolution of your issues.

This is an example of what I am talking about. “You never spend time with me any more” is effectively an accusation and an attack, to which the other partner will seek to defend themselves. The natural response if someone sticks a finger in your face is to get annoyed or angry! What if you were to say ” I am feeling lonely and isolated” isnt this sayiing the same thing but in a very different way?

By taking responsibility rather than blaming your partner, you are much more likely to get a positive response. Because your partner is not feeling attacked and accused they will actually listen to what you are saying and not feel the need to respond defensively.

This use of the “I” STATEMENT can be an absolutely critical factor in reopening meaningful communication in any relationship that is in trouble. It enables couples to clearly outline their problems in a way that will get them heard by the other person.

Try using this powerful tool to outline your relationship needs rather than playing the blame game, and guarantee that you will be amazed at the results. Saving my marriage using this technique becomes a whole lot easier.

If you want to make a powerful start today on saving your marriage or relationship before it becomes too late visit my site http://www.squidoo.com/marriage-relationship-help-advice  where I share with you an extremely powerful and SIMPLE 7 STEP RECONCILLIATION PROCCESS which has had fantastic results for my clients.

Are you Really Trying Hard enough Saving your Marriage?

A common warning sign that a marriage or relationship is in trouble is a growing disconnection from each other. This sense of disconnection from their partner is very common, and often one of the first things couples mention when they come and see me. The amount of quality time that couples spend together, tends to diminish as time goes on due to kids, work commitments and general life getting in the way. If at this point both partners have sufficient awareness to realise that they do have a problem, saving your marriage is very achievable.

Sadly however this lack of connection can result in one or other partner seeking solace with another person, in the belief that this person can help them to reconnect with what they feel is missing in their life. Usually this affair tends to be short lived and a lot of couples decide to split up at this point rather than working on surviving an affair together and reconnecting with each other, and finding the love and intimacy they both crave again.

When either or both partners in a marriage are not getting their emotional and physical needs met, the focus of the relationship tends to shift and become one of blame anger and negativity. Both partners begin looking for faults in their other half, and blaming their partner for their own feelings of being unloved, unappreciated and emotionally unhappy.

A good starting point I recommend for my clients [I am a marriage/relationship counsellor], is for both people to sit down together and discuss what is wrong using the “I” word. The “I” word is a very useful tool in opening communication as it makes the person take ownership of the problem rather than blaming the other person. Here is a simple example. “I don’t feel loved” as opposed to ” You dont show me that you love me”. Taking the element of blame out of the situation can both defuse the anger that you are feeling toward your partner and open the door to understanding what your partner is experiencing [which is often in a lot of cases a mirror image of your own feelings]

This energy switch away from the negativity of criticism and blame and towards a positive awareness and understanding of your partner’s issues can be the crucial factor in starting couples on the road to reconciliation and rediscovery of the love, intimacy and connection that they once shared.

If you need help to saving your marriage or relationship or to stop your divorce from becoming a reality, take action now, visit my site today CLICK HERE where I will share with you a hugely powerful and very simple 7 STEP RECONCILLIATION PROCCESS which has been extremely successful for my clients.

Surviving an Affair.Take the Iniative

Its never easy discovering that your partner has cheated but you are intent on surviving an affair. The offending partner may have crept back but how do you deal with it all after an affair? Can you go on? Here are some tips to consider when you want to get on after an affair.

Want even More Help on Surviving An Affair Click Here

First you have to try and understand what happened and why.This time will be causing both of you pain.They will need to know just how much hurt they have caused you and you have to understand what it must have taken them to come clean and accept blame. There will no doubt be hurt and shame in like manner.

Talk and talk again. Talk until you are spent.You need to know what happened and why. There will be a need in you to discuss how you feel about it,to describe that hurt it has caused and to discuss the future. Surviving an affair takes strength and communication.

As much as you want to talk, you also have to listen. After the affair there will be reasons that are obvious and some that just aren’t. Rarely do affairs happen in isolation. Infidelity is often the result of othr problems, it is never just the cause.

You will need time to think and breathe. Acting in haste can mean that valuable breathing time is lost. You both need time to think things over and make some initial decisions.

Surviving an Affair Read More

If both of you want to give the relationship another chance then you have to work together.There might have to be an acceptance of some of the responsibilty for your part in all of this, its seldom one sided. If you are prepared to forgive you will have to also be prepared to forget.Nobody would expect you to be able to do that straight away but if you are to move on then you have to be strong enough to forget. You will never be able to use this as a way of beating your partner over the head in future arguments or it will erode the relationship and hurt you again and again.

Surviving an affair is likely to be one of the hardest tests of your relationship. Chaos will reign supreme at least in the short term. The sense of betrayal and the associated fury can cause short term insanity and can often create an atmosphere in which reconciliation is unlikely. You will have to accept that the early times after the affair are probably not going to be the easiest times to make up and get back together. You will both need time to assess where you want to go and how you want to go about it.

Surviving an affair will demand responsibility and perserverance.Often when a couple look back after an affair, they can find that it has made the relationship stronger but in the short term you need to work on restoring your faith in your partner or spouse and they have to demonstrate that they can be trusted

More Help on Surviving an Affair Here